Today something hit me as I was leaving Target (where else would I be?). I am going to be 40 soon. In a matter of weeks. How do I feel about that? Well, today, at peace.
You see, turning 30 was awful. I was living in an apartment 700 miles from "home", I had a piece of shit car, a job I hated and no kids. My sister in law had just had a baby and was I ever jealous. I kept thinking "is this ALL there is? Will I ever be happy or settled down?" I felt sad, overwhelmed and, well, just plain OLD.
I realized today that age is really a number. I still listen to "cool" music, I could have a tatoo if I really wanted one, I am comfortable with my style (most of the time) and who I am. My car is an improved piece of shit and I own my house. As a SAHM, I am not allowed to hate my job, but the truth is I am completely satisfied. Raising these monkeys is a full time career and I don't take it lightly. I just hope my kids remember me as the mom who read to them in bed, made chocolate strawberry soy milk and cupcakes from scratch. The one who wore cool shoes and jewlery and had some fun. The one who taught them respect for ALL God's creatures, whether they have 2, 4, 6 or 8 legs.
With 40 has come peace. I finally feel confident to have an opinion and wise enough to know when NOT to give it. The only people that I care what they think of me are both still shorter than me And that is actually a very good feeling. Am I ready to shout it from the mountain tops that I am 40, hear me roar? Oh, hell no, but maybe I won't keep saying I'm only 36.
