New Year's Eve

please ignore the date-----fourth of july i when i saw these explosions!

So, I know my party days are behind me. I also know that the idea of having a "date" after my kids go to bed is not a practical one (they are old enough to want to stay up). So, what do you do if you still want to celebrate? You have a cocktail party/movie night for four........

On the menu:

Bacon-wrapped cocktail sausages

Sweet n sour meatballs

Pizza Dip

Guacamole and chips

Chocolate fondue w/ strawberries, marshmallows, bananas and pound cake

For viewing:

Toy Story 3

Iron Man 2

And the Ball Drop

Plus, plenty of vodka for mom, lol

Things I want my Children to Know

Always be yourself. Being someone else is impossible- and too much work.

Do not be afraid to be a nerd- embrace it. Nerds are the ones who run the world any way.

Respect yourself. If you don't, no one else will.

Take care of your body. It is the only one you are going to get.

Always behave as if I am watching. Even if I don't find out, God knows.

THURSDAY/13

come read my deep dark secrets.....shhhhh

sometimes......

1. I wear mismatched stripey socks under my boots- like a funky little secret.

2. I could just wear my jammies all day.

3. I let my kids eat dessert for breakfast.

4. my life seems so boring I want to scream.

5. trashy novels are exactly what I want to read.

6. I listen to country music in the car.

7. I wonder about people I haven't seen in years (and.....).

8. I think about someone when I shouldn't be thinking like that.

9. I wear my daughter's perfume.

10. I secretly watch Lifetime movies.

11. I make my kids buy lunch so I can hit the snooze alarm a few extra times.

12. I wear "fancy underwear" just because.

13. I take Nyquil even though I do not have a cold.

Memory Monday

Zachary and Helen- 2005 Christmas portrait

Helen called this hair do "cotton balls"; Zachary is wearing "button on" shorts with knee socks and saddle shoes.....

fun

I has been far too long since I had any fun, either alone, as a couple or as a family........

Again, I do count my blessings. And I know others are far worse off than us. They are wanting for much more than a good time.

But the no time, no money, no one to watch my kids/dogs thing is getting to me. I could just use some care free time to just have fun.

Merry Christmas

Christmas morning.....

Helen is watching Eclipse

Zachary is playing with the Kinnect

David is drinking coffee

I have a sleeping dog on my feet

We are warm and safe

What a great and wonderful day......

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

thirteen things that make me smile

1. kids singing

2. finding zachary's little love notes all over the house

3. helen's random "i love you" whenever i say something really stupid

4. when ozzy puts his head in my lap so i ran rub his ears

5. clean folded laundry that has been put away

6. sock monkeys

7. email from {****}

8. the first cup of coffee in the morning

9. the beach, or memories of it

10. my silver tinsel christmas tree with the shiny brite ornaments

11. a really good book

12. cooking with my class

13. movie night with my kids

More things to remember

when navigating your vehicle

1. You do not have to STOP for public transportation- it is NOT a school bus.

2. You DO have to stop for ambulances, police cars and firetrucks.

3. Unless they are on the other side of a divided highway (do not think they are going to speed across the grass, into the 2 foot dip and through that fence, so do you really need to stop?).

4. There is no law saying that I HAVE to turn right on red, so if I cannot see to safely turn, I am not going to. SO stop blowing your *&(_*@&#(*&$ horn at me.

5. If you need to pull in and out of the parking spot 5 times so that you can BACK your big ol' truck into the spot, maybe you should really not park there, or park front end in first.

6. I do not need or want to listen to your musical selections while pumping my gas. Turn off your stereo, or turn it down. Have you ever wanted to pump gas with polka music playing just to confuse folks?

Things to Remember......

when Christmas shopping (for those of you who forget)

1. If you park your cart in the middle of an aisle and your ass is wider than the cart, you WILL be in some one's way.

2. The cashier does not care about your life story, who you are buying for or that blue is your grand son's favorite color. she cares that the line behind you is 12 customers deep.

3. Please refrain from talking loudly and swearing nonstop into your blue tooth. First of all, you look like you are crazy and talking to yourself. Second, this is Macy's, not your living room.

4. You know what store you are in and that you are about to pay for your crap. Find your wallet and coupons BEFORE you get in line.

5. Do not stand in line at the food court and talk to someone on your cell phone about what they want to eat while you are ordering. The people behind you KNOW what they want and want you to get out of the way.

6. You are not the only one in a hurry or under time constraints and a budget. SO shut up!

Memory Monday

Senior Prom 1985

This sooooo SUCKS....

Helen woke us up at 3 am when we heard her vomiting. On the carpet. Yay. The school bug has hit us. So by my calculations, Zachary will be sick by Tuesday/Wednesday and I will be sick on Christmas Eve, Fun, fun.

As if I already was not feeling Christmas this year. Normally we have looked at lights, made a gingerbread house, watched movies together, made cards and teacher gifts...... Not so much this year. I'm sure I will pull something out at the last minute, but I just couldn't muster it this year. Don't know what is up with me. I am gonna go with stress..... That sounds plausible, right?

So, I will brave the mall alone. Wish me luck. And pray for the other shoppers, cuz I get cranky at Christmas. I guess I need to make my lists. I already know who is naughty and nice.....

13! for Thursday

1. Finding inspiration is sometimes hard.

2. Then one just decides to write and see what happens.

3. Sometimes it is effective; sometimes not.

4. But it is making me think.

5. About:

love

regret

things I thought I had forgotten

what could have been

what is yet to be

6. But one thing that keeps coming back is this: the person who first broke my heart loved me more than I realized.

7. It is a weird feeling.

8. In one way it is nice to know that I was wrong about why he left me.

9. On the other hand, it is sad that we were each quietly missing the other.

10. As I have written many times, one cannot live a life in the past or one full of regrets.

11. Had we never broken up, I would have never lived in California, South Carolina or Maryland. I would have never become the person I am now because my experiences would be so different.

12. I would have been a bit more protected and sheltered from the world- of that I am certain.

13. Therefore, I must firmly say "I am where I am supposed to be".........

Temptation....

is something I have been thinking a lot about these days. How does one avoid it? And if one cannot avoid it, how does one resist? It is a fact of life, from an early age. As children we are tempted all the time. We see things we want but know we shouldn't have. And it doesn't get any easier as we grow up. Adulthood brings temptations greater than stolen cookies, and consequences greater than ruining dinner.

I guess fear of the consequences is the greatest motivator. No one is free from being tempted. It all goes back to Eve and that darn apple. And we know that if we don't want banishment, we must resist biting off more than we can handle. I am far from free of sin. I do not want to avoid the very thing that tempts me..... I only fear consequences and I guess that will have to be enough.

1 Cor 10:13 (TEB) Every temptation that has come your way is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your power to resist; at the time you are tempted He will give you the strength to endure it......

Dear Santa,

I have tried to be good this year. I have tried to set an example for my children, I have tried to be a good mother and wife. So I am humbly requesting the following this year:

1. a new XM radio so that I do not have to change the radio station 6 times in the 8 miles drive to school because dj's have no thought filter.

2. new pants because all of mine are too big.

3. some comfortable shoes, because I am standing most of the day.

4. that someone would put away the laundry, vacuum my bedroom, clean the toilet and make me a cup of coffee.

5. that I can go have some fun.

6. to feel like I am doing a good enough job.

Thanks Santa,

Me

I'll be Home for Christmas.....

(or at least a few days after that), I hope. I still don't know for sure that we will be able to make the trip. There will be vet bills and a kennel stay involved, so that can influence the decision. I do hope we go. If not, it will be July before I get down again.

So what do I want to do while in GA? Plenty- but mostly I want to see family and some friends. I want to go to Atkins Park with David, maybe take the kids some place I have not taken them before, like World of Coke. But mostly I want to see people. I also do not know how long we would stay- school starts back on the third, so staying until after New Year's probably won't happen. Times like this I hate living so far away. And as much as I like the family trips down, I would love to fly down alone some day. Other than when my father died, I have not been alone since I was pregnant with Helen. Maybe one day.....

Music....

I love music- always have. It wasn't really fostered in my house growing up (neither was sports, which I had a few I was good at). I was second chair flute in advanced band, with only one year of experience, not two like the other kids. I taught myself to play the oboe, and one song on piano. I can't sing to save my life.

Now my daughter, can sing. She is naturally gifted in music, as well as poetry. Therefore I was not surprised when I (nosy mom) saw her book in her room. She has been writing songs. I know she makes up songs all the time, changes words to songs on the radio (usually funny, a la Weird Al). But I didn't know she was composing real songs.

Now, what to do with this info? I know that she is gifted in many ways. But I cannot provide for her lessons and materials to develop her gifts. And it makes my heart hurt. I want to buy her a guitar. Maybe she can figure out how to play it. Stranger things have happened.

Fond memories.....

(cuz everyone loves lists)

riding in a convertible with the top down- and it is about 30 degrees outside

moonlight skinny dipping

any time i have ever been to a beach

cabrillo national monument

nyc at christmas

the cult concert, 1988

hotel del coronado

feta-sketti

the "den of sin"

atkins park

eating low country boil in savannah

st. pat's parade in savannah

may day at brenau

falling asleep in a hammock, in someone's arms (even though i was painfully sunburned)

senior prom

mission beach

the midget

fireworks on peachtree street

disneyland

vegas

drinks at the sundial

pitty pat's porch

chinese food in bed

tiny converse sneakers

covington cemetery

nchs soccer

potter's thrift store

cruising the plaza

walking to the square after school

13 13 13 13 13 13

*favorite Christmas songs in no particular order- inspired by {****}

1. We Three Kings
2. Silent Night
3. O Holy Night
4. Angels We Have Heard on High
5. Up on the House Top
6. When My Heart Finds Christmas (Harry Connick, Jr.)
7. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
8. O Come O Come Emmanuel
9. Do You Hear What I Hear?
10. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
11. What Child is This?
12. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
13. ANYTHING by Nat King Cole

I am trying.....

to be more festive. Really I am. I think that I need to go through my craft supplies and see what I have to throw together a craft project for Helen and Zachary. And they need to make their Christmas cards this weekend, too. Maybe I will finally get to sit down and watch some Christmas movies with them, since last Saturday was a bust! And it is time to start making gifts for teachers and friends..... a lot to do, but of course, everything needs a list! I am all about the lists and the calendar- (this is how I have managed my own ADHD since the 10th grade).

So, I do have all the decorations out, except for the snowmen in the kitchen and downstairs bathroom. Those were not in with the regular Christmas decorations- so I need to find them. All five trees are up, Santa Claus, Snowbabies and Nativity are where they belong. The front of the house needs a wreath. It is beginning to look more Christmassy in my house. I wish we were going to a party though- I need a party......

ba humbug

I am turning into my mom! She always ran around screaming at everyone- I finally resorted to putting up the decorations when no one was home so that I could enjoy it. I might have to go back to that philosophy.

So while I am trying to decorate and keep my seven year old from destroying everything, David has been cooking. That sounds nice and all unless you consider these things:

1. I have had to carry the boxes of decorations up and down stairs by myself.

2. I put the tree together by myself.

3. I have tried to find a home for all the things displaced by the Christmas decorations by myself.

4. I have had to stop what I am doing to find things like poultry seasoning and instruct how to make my apple crisp.

5. I have had to clean up all his dishes, wipe down the counters, wash pots, load and unload the dishwasher twice and scrub the sink 4 times.

I am really, really not feeling the Spirit.

Christmas Spirit

It is even harder to get into it this year. We've never had much money, but when the kids were younger, it wasn't hard to get excited, because they were excited. Now we have even less than before and it is a struggle even without having to think of a way to deliver Santa Claus.

I know the answer is to make Christmas about what it truly means. I have done that, but that is hard when sharing your Catholic home with an atheist. These are the times that the differences show and it is hard. And he shuts down because the materialistic side of Christmas cannot be delivered. But as a result, he is missing out on so much. SO, as usual, I am going to buck up, put on a smile and be there for my kids. Alone.

To Do List

1. get out decorations

2. put them up

3. put away the boxes

4. laundry

5. shop

6. wrap

7. make cookies

8. teacher gifts

9. Christmas cards ordered

10. envelopes addressed

11. cards mailed

12. kids cards for classmates

13. preK "gifts" made

14. Christmas outfits for Helen and Zachary

15. figure out who is hosting Christmas dinner

16. go look at Christmas lights

17. make gingerbread houses

18. add ornaments to kids' collection

19. repeat number 4 about 27 times

20. get a haircut

italics indicates done

dear......

26 year old co-worker,

Please do not refer to your 29 year old sister as "old" (REPEATEDLY) to your 43 year old co-workers.

Please try to be on time to work. And if you cannot, please do not use your "crazy life" or cats as an excuse. If I can get to work on time, towing my two children (and those of you who KNOW my children understand), then ANYONE can get to work on time.

Please stop asking me what I am doing and then tell me why you aren't doing it.

Please stop making me look bad because you suck.

Please wash your hair on a regular basis.

Thank you.

THIRTEEN

things teachers wish parents knew

1. We don't like it when you think your child does nothing wrong. They are human; they are children. Therefore, they make mistakes.

2. We wish you would follow the few simple things we ask for. Putting the lunch money inside a labeled Ziploc bag may not seem like a big deal, until you are faced with 14 one dollar bills and you are not sure who it belongs to.

3. We pretty much all hate Capri Sun pouches, Lunchables and Gogurt. The packages are impossible to open and we end up wearing the contents.

4. We like it when you say "thank you".

5. We love random acts 0f generosity (that cup of coffee one dad brought me on fall festival day made my morning).

6. Label your kid's junk. We have 20 little bodies to keep up with and all of them have the same sweatshirt.

7. We know when you are lying.

8. Just send the nap mat back on Monday. We don't care if you really just Febreezed it. Really, we don't.

9. If you don't believe every single thing your child tells you about us, we will do the same for you.

10. If you really want your kid ready for kindergarten, don't buy a bunch of dvd's and workbooks. Talk to them, read to them, give them some scissors and a glue stick and show them how to use them.

12. Candy for snack is OK on November 1. Not so much by November 13- we send it back or throw it away- get a clue!

13. We are never surprised when we meet the jerk parents of the jerk kid- apple never falls far from the tree......... They live by example, Mom and Dad.....