Memory Monday

david being a tourist

(check out the socks)@

bodie lighthouse/outer banks, nc

{zach in foreground wearing sonic the hedgehog shirt}

Dear ****

One big difference between us? I still pray for you every day. I pray that you will find peace and let go of your hate. I pray that you find God again. When was the last time you prayed? Give it a try- it might change your outlook on a few things........

Getting Ready....

the trip is less than 3 weeks away. And I have:

• found a suitcase
• checked out all the carry on rules
• stressed about security and not looking like a dork
• downloaded new book(s) on the kindle
• purchased travel sized products (including new bath and body works, cuz I gots to smell good for my peeps)

On my agenda before I leave- a pedicure and lose about 50 pounds. Don't think I will manage that last one......... At any rate, I am still excited about it. I am amazed I have not packed already!!!!!

Today.....

I will be in a better mood.

I will embrace to fact that my family is intact and that my children are thriving.

I will thank God for all that I have and not want for what I do not.

I will look forward to upcoming events and take pleasure in planning for them.

I will forgive others' trespasses, as God has forgiven mine.........

It just keeps getting better......

**** has told her child that my family, especially ME, is white trash. I was pretty mad, and then someone pointed out that for someone to say that and drag a child into it, is, well, white trash. Can I get an Amen?

So, I can say that the idea that someone with no morals, habitual lying and believes that the job of a maid in a hotel is to pick up your baby's dirty diaper is calling me white trash makes me laugh. She must be one of those uppity Europeans!

So, ****, do me a favor and go back to France. Maybe it is ok to put your children in the middle of your problems and divorce. Maybe it is ok to let your child miss 53% of the school year because you cannot get her out of bed after letting her stay on Facebook all night. Maybe it is ok to undermine every other relationship your child has with adults who care. Maybe it is ok in France, but it isn't ok in my white trash world.

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

1. Sorry the 13 is late.

2. Couldn't write it last night- see "Dear ****", below.

3. I still just do not understand how in the world she can do this to her kid.

4. Just to be the one to be in charge.

5. She won; she got her way.

6. At what cost?

7. Her daughter hates her.

8. They do not have a chance in the world to have a relationship now.

9. Not to mention the money paid to lawyers yesterday could have fixed her falling apart house.

10. I don't get it at all.

11. Plus the child is in my care at the moment and I have not heard from the custodial parent at all regarding retrieval of her ward.

12. She told me not to have any communication with her again, so would it be wrong of me to not answer my phone?

13. I can't stand sitting by and watching this happen to a child........

Dear ****,

It has been a while since I have written an open letter to you. I guess it is over due. I just want to say thanks. Thanks for making me have to comfort your crying child tonight. She is crushed that not only will she have to live with you, but you are going to pull her out of the school she picked, made friends at, and wants to go to. Now you will pull her out, put her in the fourth school of her 8th grade year and try to force to attend. Good luck with that. And when she refuses to go, what are you going to do? When she fails the 8th grade, what will you do? When she is in trouble again, what will you do? Hospitalize her? Have the police take her away again?

You couldn't just leave her happy. You had to be the decision maker. You had to be selfish. And we all seriously hate you.

Me

Memory Monday

october 4, 2009 @ pub dog in columbia

this was a good birthday

13! for Thursday

13 people, alive or dead, that I would like to see........ and what I would like to tell them.

1. My dad------ he needs to know how badly he screwed up.

2. Mike Hepner- my first assistant principle----- so I can slap him {he deserves it for being a liar and a poor role model}.

3. Regina- the "best friend" from high school.... not only do I have bunch of unanswered questions, I need to tell her that, while it took me 25 years to figure it out, I know now that she was never my true friend.

4. ****- I would like to tell her that she is insane and needs to check herself into the psych ward instead of her daughter. Then nut punch her.

5. Kel- nothing to tell that hasn't already been said, would just like to visit.........

6. {****}- already knows, but hanging out would be so much fun.

7. Jackie- how much I love and miss her!

8. My teenaged self- I'd like to time travel and tell myself to take chances, avoid other some of the ones I did take, to not take it so seriously and be true to myself without being a freak about it.....

9. My grandfather- I would just like to meet him and see what he was like.

10. Laquetta Brummet- so I can thank her for all that she taught me----- I would not be the same person I am now without her.

11. Jenice- so I can ask her WTF? how in the world did you decide to hate me?

12. A certain AXO sorority sister..... I would like to let her know that she made my junior year such a misery that I left two quarters early to escape, and she may not have even realized she was doing it. (or maybe she is just a real bitch).

13. Darren- needs to know what a loser jerk he is and that he is lucky I never pressed charges.

30 days

until I have 96 hours of:

• not having to find things that do not belong to me.
• not being blamed for Helen's problem du jour.
• not waking children.
• not having to feed any one.
• only having to wash my clothes- and then only if I really want to.
• no one asking me for something.
• not having to break up a fight.
• not having to clean up some one else's mess.

I will miss my kids, but when I do, I will look at this list. And dread what my house will look like after 96 hours........

feels like...

I am always spinning my wheels. The house is never clean, the laundry is never done........

Seriously I know that part of the problem is all the clutter. You cannot organize clutter, and you cannot clean it. You just move it all over the place. I had not made routines for myself after going back to work full time and boy, does it ever show!!!!

So add to the list of things I need to do: declutter the house. I have not done a thorough declutter in a while and we are over due. Hang on kids, mama is coming with that big black trash bag cuz she is sick of your mess!

Memory Monday

may day @ brenau/ 1988

eaddy, me, cathy, lisa and allyson

these girls were my best friends- i am still in touch with allyson and lisa and love them for all their fabulousness

Yesterday...

did NOT go as planned. I thought I was going to be able to work in my room and made plans in my head, along with a list. When I got to school, there was a note on the sign in sheet- meeting at 9. That was basically a faculty meeting that lasted until 10:30, followed by a department meeting that took too long considering we only had two items on the agenda. 11:30 to 11:55 I was able to visit my classroom and spray down the table toys, play food and dishes and Lysol tables and chairs. Then I had to meet my pals {Cafe Hamlin has been upgraded to Hamlin Bar & Grill, due to the addition of a pool table}. 1:00 pm- back to school and an Emergency Preparation presentation. 2-3:00- back to my room to put away the sprayed down toys, write down the page numbers I need copied for the Nursery Rhyme unit I am planning. Then it was time to go. During all of this, I kept thinking of all the things really needed to be working on instead of doing what I was doing {and wishing that some people would SHUT UP}. The clean toys and Copy File are the only things I accomplished. That and the 3 bags full of socks, shoes, sweaters, sweatshirts, gloves etc. that I removed from the room, since they all belong at my house any way. Not how I envisioned my day, I am afraid......

On a good note- went to the mall. Tried on jeans in my size and they were TOO BIG! I tried on a smaller pair,and they fit- yay!

Teacher Work Day

I get to work in my room this morning. I really needed a morning like this. Time to clean my desk, wash and disinfect the toys, plan the rest of the school year, make a few things...... All the stuff I do not have time to do these days.

Also going to organize the back room where all my resources are SCATTERED! I hate that and I cannot find anything- I never organized after the big move to the basement....... And of course, I will be meeting friends for lunch at Cafe Hamlin (best lunch spot in town, hon).

And while I am working I will be shoving the ear buds in my ears and ignoring the noise coming from day care in the next room, and hopefully any other teacher's who might try yo talk to me. And thinking about my upcoming trip, seeing my mom, sister and {****}.

{Cafe Hamlin is not a real restaurant, it my my friend's house}

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

1. Forgot it was Thursday.

2. I am very tired this morning.

3. I really should go to bed earlier.

4. Today is out of uniform (translation- kids act like goof balls).

5. I am doing "Biggest Loser" at school, starting next week.

6. Just hoping to get into smaller jeans.

7. Sad that I will most likely never be a size 4 again.

8. It is 5:50 and I still have not made lunches.

9. And I have no cash to buy lunch----- so I guess I had better throw some stuff in a bag!

10. These are the days that "no peanut butter" really stinks.

11. I think I have figured out what I am taking on the GA trip.

12. Now I just have to see if I can get it all into the carry on bag, and I am set.

13. 36 days!

no Snow Day here.....

even though I really wanted one. We did get some snow, but only a little. Just enough for a two hour delay. And I hate those. The children are grumpy and won't get ready to go- and I end up being late for being early......

SO instead of making chicken and dumplings and getting to wear my jammies until noon and sledding, I get to still make lunches and get dressed for work. Plus the added bonus of fighting with the kids, having Zachary take 29 minutes to get from the porch to the car because he wants to play, and cleaning off my car (another thing which I cannot stand- I really should have made that part of my demands for moving up here.....that David would clean the snow off my car). Sigh......

Counting...

the days until I leave for Georgia and wondering if I can just pack already! Is it terribly obvious I am ready to go? So many reasons to be excited, but I think most of all I have not been away from my children for over 24 hours since March 2006. That is a long time. I have been to visit family, but not alone. I have had to be Mom and not Susan. And managing ADHD, anxiety and behavior away from home is very hard work. I am ready to be just Susan for a few minutes.

On another note I bought a dress today. It is the same one a co-worker wore today, but I got purple (her's was grey). I hope it looks better on me........

snow....

it is snowing in GA. I want a snow day. Not one where we have "early dismissal" and then a 2 hour delay the next day. I want a sleep late, hot chocolate and marshmallow, pot of chicken and dumplings, kids sledding kind of snow day. And I want it real soon......... But please, not 2 feet of snow this time............

Memory Monday

pearce building at brenau- photo taken august 2009

love this place

friends

have you ever had one that you haven't seen or talked to in years. and then, when you do, it seems like you never stopped talking. isn't it a great feeling???? i wish everything was that wonderful.

I want, therefore, I am.....

I was a psychology major. In fact, I lack 2 classes for my degree. So it was not a passing fancy. I have always been intrigued by the brain and its function. In some ways, the knowledge gained has served me well, both as a parent and a teacher.

Sigmund Freud, father of modern psychology, was a bit of a whack job at times, but he was one of the first to dig into matters of the human brain and why we behave as we do. He developed the concept of the id, the ego and the superego.

Bottom line is this. We all want. We desire things. Sometimes, those things are not what is good for us. That old lady waiting for the bus, the crying baby at the store, the young school kid on the playground- the one thing they have in common is they are filled with desire. They all want something. This is id.

We cannot live our lives always chasing want. We have to develop ourselves to figure out what is necessary- such as water and food. We have to figure out who and what are detrimental to our well being. We have to learn we cannot have everything we desire. This is ego. It negotiates with id, and keeps him in line.

And finally, we have our conscience, aka superego. If ego wants to give into id, just a little, superego goes all Judge Judy on him. She is the gnawing guilt we feel when id's ridiculous wants interfere with reality. We need to have a conscience, but sometimes I wish mine would shut the Hell up.

Someone once said that evil men do what good men only dream of. Guess I just keep dreaming......

thirteen!!!!! (smells like thursday)

in honor of my upcoming trip

1. How in the world am I supposed to get everything I want to take with me in a carry-on bag?

2. Will my mother drive me nuts?

3. What am I going to wear the night of February 19?

4. Will my family even miss me or will Dad be so much fun the kids don't notice I left?

5. I need to buy a bunch of stuff that is less than 3 ounces, lol. ( and nothing that smells like coconuts).

6. Or visit a drugstore when my plane lands.

7. The silver highlights will need to be covered- seeing too many folks that do not know I have grey hair.

8. Can I just throw every piece of black clothing I own in a bag and call it "packing"?

9. Will I have to be felt up by a TSA agent? What if I like it?

10. I do plan to drink too much at least once while I am away........

11. Wonder how many friends will come to El Charro?

12. Hopefully the trip will make me eager for August to come (so I can make another journey).

13. Why do I get butterflies thinking about seeing someone I have not seen in so long????

thanks......

{****}- i now have cee lo and rick james on my freshly reloaded ipod...........

Broken Playground

The playground is broken. Closed. Caution tape wrapped around it. No climbing at recess....... So sad. Now the school will be planning a new playground. Sort of a good thing coming around in a bad way. The playground was not up to current code and was grandfathered. That means no repairs can be done to it. It must come down.

On the down side, this means structured field recess instead of free play until we get new equipment. Anyone want to write a check out to my school??????

I did it!

Well, one resolution upheld- I did something for myself this week. I bought a plane ticket. I will fly down to Atlanta on February 18. I get to stay until Tuesday afternoon. BY MYSELF!!!! I have not been alone, other than when my dad died, in 10 years!!!!! Last time I flew alone I was extremely pregnant (one more week and they would not have let me on the plane). I had to borrow someone else's table tray, as the belly was in the way of my own.

Since then I have had to travel with small children. Always a joy. So, I have not been in a plane in almost 5 years. Things have changed and I have to admit, I am worried about packing and about security. Hope I get through without a hitch........ I'd hate to make the news.......

Memory Monday

jackie, me, daddy and scott

myrtle beach, sc- about 1972

annoyed

negative post- look away if you don't want to know.......

i am so tired of asking for help and not getting any. i am tired of having no place in this entire house that is mine. every little corner i try to have gets taken over. i am out of corners and patience.

and i went to work full time 2 years ago. i have been asking for more help since i was part time. i am still waiting. no one else does anything around here. i feel like i am chained to the washing machine, except of course for the times that i am chained to the kitchen sink.

Happy New Year's- 2011

Another new year. I have kissed the same guy for the last 16 New Years. Some things, like that, won't change. But some others will. Aren't we supposed to make resolutions for the new year ahead- and then break them by the end of the first week? I think that is because we are too ambitious and set unreachable goals. Therefore, I am going to do things a bit differently this time.

1. I will keep up with deadlines and due dates.

2. I will actually MAIL birthday cards.

3. I will keep up with the laundry and put clean clothes away.

4. I will get rid of clutter in my house.

5. I will do something for myself every week, no matter how small.