Backwards

Epiphany.  Light bulb moment.  Whatever.  Anyone who knows me knows that I have much on my plate and minions who defy me (for their own pleasure?) at every turn.  I used to be very on top of ot, but never made time for myself.  Then I went back to work, and REALLY never made time for myself.  I put everything into my job and let home fall apart because I had no control over home.  Then work went to hell in a hand basket and I have spent the past 3 years just trying to stay afloat and not turn into a raging alcoholic.

Today, as I was driving home from a Boy Scout drop off (did I mention the 2 am panic attack?)  I realized I have it backward.  If can take care of myself first, everything else should fall into place......We'll see.  I just know I need several things in order to function better: exercise, clean food, routine, rest and peace.  Clean food is resolving itself for the most part, and the introduction of routine and a schedule will make it a solid habit.  Routines will fix most of my issues...... I used to live by a schedule. Somewhere I stopped, and I stopped functioning.

I've been writing it for years- what I want to do, what I need to do.  But I was not sure how to make it happen.  But I realize that I am the the trying to hold it together while those around me try to beat it down.   It starts with me, and I will have to be a willow in the storm.  I had it backwards and was all wrong.

Or maybe I can be a whomping willow instead.....

Money Well Spent

Zachary made me do it. I had a coupon.  And it was on super-sale- I think I only paid $10 for the dispenser plus soap.  I've had it since June and am still using the original soap.....  the thing I like best?  I know the top is not covered in raw chicken.  I cannot STAND touching a soap dispenser that I KNOW is tainted.  Just. Can't. Do. It.  So yes, if you see me leaving a public rest room, chances are I did not use soap.  Truth.  I have hand sanitizer for that.  And I know that whatever lurks on that soap is nastier than anything else I may have just touched.  

SO, if you don't have one of these in your kitchen and you are OCD, I highly recommend you pick one up.  And the Mandarin Orange soap smells yummy.

Good Intentions

My last post was about detoxing my kids.  I still very much want to do that.  I have not been successful. Zachary did a month with no processed food (he had some slips, but that's ok)..... he felt better and his stomach problems disappeared.  Now the symptoms are back and I'm more convinced than ever he needs to be gluten free.  SO hard because it is in everything.  And he loves bread.

Helen is the bigger challenge.  On one hand, she wants to be healthy and knows we are right about processed foods.  Then somethings clicks over and she wants Oreos and pizza.......  So, I need to find a way to make it work.  I've been trying for years and coming up with nothing.  Plus all this darn ice/snow/freezing temps are getting to me...... haven't been to the gym in a month!

So another big part of my problem is alack of schedule and order.  I have kinda given up trying to have a routine and a clean house because it has felt like fighting a losing battle.  But I know I need to put on the big girl panties and be the adult, even if everyone hates me for it.  No more hitting the snooze bar and staying in bed until the last minute (because this cheats me out of time to take care of dishes and have a clean living room).  And an amazing thing happened yesterday.  I scrubbed the kitchen and my child commented on it and put all his dishes in the dishwasher!!!!!!

And clutter- OH MY GOD, the CLUTTER!  I know you cannot organize clutter.  You end up just moving it around, but I have not been on top of it for some time now and it has taken on a life of its own.  Recently I painted Helen's room. When we did this,I packed up everything and took it from her room.  We only put back the things she wanted to keep.  I set up a 4 cube unit next to her bed to serve as a night stand and storage for her art and camera supplies.  I purchased a rolling cart for her lotions, perfumes, etc.  I organized her jewelry and clothes- I think I need to specialize in setting up functional spaces for the unfunctional, lol.  It has been so easy to keep clean.  The only room in the house, mind you, but got to start somewhere. 

Food as a Cure

Ok, if you have read much of anything I write, you already know how I feel about food and its effect on the body.  I am far from perfect and sometimes the demons make me drink more than I should or eat ice cream.  I am horribly flawed.  But I am very aware of how my vices make me feel afterward.  I will have a hangover, whether alcohol, sugar or dairy product induced.

That said, I do try. I eat healthier than most people, even if I do not have the body to prove it.  So it angers me when I hear people complain about doing without the foods that make them feel like shit.  Lactose intolerant? Then don't have it in your house.  Avoid the pizza parlor and Cold Stone. Oh, it's your child?  Well, then, I'm sorry to tell you this, but if you are giving your child food that you KNOW is making them sick, it is abuse.  I'm not talking the occasional trip to the McDonald's or the candy feast at Halloween. Free range on vacation is the thing my kids look forward to the most.  I am talking the most basic every day here.  If you know your child is sensitive or allergic, don't buy it.  And yes, I know how hard it is.  I have stubborn children, one of which is absolutely in denial about nutrition.  You cannot force feed them veggies, but you do not need to keep an endless supply of soda and candy in your house, either.  Eventually they will get hungry.

And now that vacation is over, school is about to resume. It is time to get back into routines and schedules.  It is also time to detox my son.  He has been steadily sneaking in more and more junk. Funny thing is, the daughter is carrying too much weight. Her problem stems from quantity and low activity more than choices.  He is eating wrong.  And I have a gut feeling that he really needs to be grain free.  And I know for a fact he is lactose intolerant because doctor said so after one of his endoscopes.  

So my New (school) Year Resolution is to detox my kids, have regular meals at the table as much as possible and hit that gym.  I have 50 more pounds to go and I really want to get it off before next summer....I want my kids to be healthy and I want to be healthy for them.

13, dammit

Wow- I feel like I have lost much time! Here goes!!
1.  Much of my time in Georgia is unproductive.
2.  Also, I was doing pretty good with sticking to whole foods, until about Thursday.
3.  I can see very clearly HOW I ended up with food issues.
4.  Everything involving my mom is centered on food, body image and criticism.
5.  No wonder I ate ice cream ;)
6.  And any subject can lead back to my dad!
7.  It could be a game- 6 degrees of Lanier.......
8.  SO my kids refusing to go to bed, plus her refusing to stop talking makes for one. very. exhausted. me.
9.  I missed my precious. And by my precious, I mean my bed.
10. David is not NEARLY as wiggly as the kids,and I spent 10 nights sleeping with one or the other.....
11. Did I mention my mother DOMINATED my time?
12.  Well, she did....... hours and hours of it.
13.  I miss my family, but to be honest, I could not have handled my mom AND Helen.

13 13 13

*better late than never*
1. this trip was probably the easiest drive ever.
2. no rain, no traffic or road work.
3. and, most importantly, no car trouble!
4. traveling with food concerns and no plan is not recommended, though.
5.  i ate crap and am paying for it......
6.  had sausage croissant, sweet wine, cheese, bites of zachary's coca cola cake, ketchup, a piece of candy, sonic chili cheese tots.........
7.  and now my stomach hurts and i feel yucky.
8. i will be better prepared for the return trip.
9. i also hate it that my desire to be healthy and eat real food is seen as picky or inconvenient by others.
10.  in order to please people around me or make things easier for them, i compromise myself.
11. don't see how this is fair.  and then i feel defensive.
12.  i wish i had a handy explanation- like celiac or true allergies.....
13. or maybe if i could get a doctor to take me seriously.

Dishonesty in Children's Sports

My children play sports.  Zachary has participated in: soccer,baseball,lacrosse, football, rugby, swimming, tennis, basketball.......  We have always had to provide birth certificates,etc. for him to play.  Once I did lie about his age- to play up...... and that was because coach told me to (he was well past "scoopers" for lacrosse when he was 7). He is a solid "b" team player- he could probably make a team, but we love the team he is currently on.

I have come to realize that in tournaments there is MUCH dishonesty.  People play their kids down- 13 year olds competing against 10 and 11 year olds; AA kids playing against B kids...... Zachary is one of the older ones on the team,and is a big kid....... red flags go up when there is someone towering over him on the field.  Then we start to find these kids are on rosters for AA 13U teams..... and that real team members were told to not attend this tourney and new ones were recruited.  For what? A t-shirt?  Last year there was a tourney in which Zachary's team was undefeated, until the final game- against a AA team. Not fairly matched, we knew what the outcome would be before the game began. A good comparison is this: Baltimore Ravens vs. Podunk Middle school.  Not fair. 

Who benefits from this playing down?  The team who is appropriately stacked gets their butts whooped up and down a field and feels frustrated and deflated.  The ones who have used questionable tactics to build a winning team score goal after goal and do they REALLY get  a true sense of championship?  Is it that important to win?  The emphasis should really be on sportsmanship and skill, not an easy win.  

The kids are not the ones at fault here.  I blame parents and coaches.  I would never let my kid play down (in fact we have been asked and said no).  Parents who do this- you are teaching your kid to shoot fish in a barrel, to keep using the bumpers when you bowl, to CHEAT, to take the easy class, to get something for nothing.......  Exactly who's self esteem are you trying to build?  Does it make you feel good that your kid played and won an easy game??  How about you make them rise to a challenge instead?  

And Lacrosse officials- do what other sports have had to do- all members must register with a valid picture ID and show proof of age.  No player can be on more than one level- and they are registered to a team so it is known that they are AA, A or B, etc..... 

Camping Recap

Trip was a success.  Pizza Chicken packs were a hit (Helen said she wished she had more).  We had food left over, but since we were able to keep everything adequately chilled, Z can have hot dogs for dinner. Helen and I will be having our girls' and moms' dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.  I am close friends with the mothers; Helen has been friends with the daughters since kindergarten. They are going to different high schools, but we want them to stay in touch.  When we have these dinners, the girls have their own table and it really is nice.

I will post pictures of the trip and a rant about children's sports later.  Today is busy as I am trying to get things in order for the pilgrimage tomorrow.   Car needs attention, I need to order Helen's uniforms and shoes, laundry needs to be done.   I have not packed, but the camping clothes will not be Georgia clothes,so I'm good there!  Want to make sure David has clean, ironed clothes and some food.  Need to clean the bathrooms and vacuum.  So,busy busy busy.......But just so the post is not totally void, here is a picture.....

I love that he looks like he is smiling.

Camping 2014

We haven't gone camping for a while. I always take too much food, so I am trying to be more practical this time. Plus we have special considerations.  Helen is a (new) vegetarian, Zachary is always hungry and David and I are sticking to "real" food as much as possible. So, this is what I have:

cheese, boiled eggs, hot dogs (veggie and applegate)

chopped lettuce, chili, chocolate (for s'mores)
and "pizza chicken"

cherries,snap peas,cauliflower,peppers, etc- all washed and ready to use

bread, crackers, poptarts (Zach has to be on field at 7:15 AM,so sue me), fruit cups (no sugar),
apples and bananas,and marshmallows (also for s'mores- I am human)

Banana bread (I use Paula Deen's recipe, substituting gluten free flour mix from Namaste)

the master list- sorry it is sideways

And here is the recipe for Pizza Chicken Foil packs:

for each pack

one chicken breast (boneless, skinless)

Pizza sauce (try to find one with cleanest ingredients-I used Classico)

Provolone cheese

toppings- you could use anything- I used red peppers and spinach. olives and mushrooms would be good too)

Lay chicken on top of the foil, top with sauce (several TBS).  place cheese on top of the sauce and top with veggies.  Wrap into a packet. I froze mine and stored them in a zip lock.They will be thawed by the time we use them Friday. I also substituted Quorn fillet for Helen's chicken a labeled her pack with a big ol' H). I like these because they are soy and dairy free.  They also taste pretty good.

THIRTEEN

1.  Well, I promised stuff for planning a trip.
2.  As usual, life got in the way.
3.  No one else did anything to help get ready and I got overwhelmed.
4.  We have not been camping in 5 years.
5.  My flow is gone.
6.  I am also sort of dreading it.
7.  Someone has already made up her mind that it is going to suck, so therefore, it will.
8.  FIghts will be instigated- but I am not going to fall for it.
9.  My mantra for the weekend?
10.  "I'm sorry you think that."
11.  "You could have gone with Ozzy and Buddy to Grandma's"
12.  "In 4 years you can move out and never have to go anywhere with us again."
13 "Pass the rum."