Epiphany. Light bulb moment. Whatever. Anyone who knows me knows that I have much on my plate and minions who defy me (for their own pleasure?) at every turn. I used to be very on top of ot, but never made time for myself. Then I went back to work, and REALLY never made time for myself. I put everything into my job and let home fall apart because I had no control over home. Then work went to hell in a hand basket and I have spent the past 3 years just trying to stay afloat and not turn into a raging alcoholic.
Today, as I was driving home from a Boy Scout drop off (did I mention the 2 am panic attack?) I realized I have it backward. If can take care of myself first, everything else should fall into place......We'll see. I just know I need several things in order to function better: exercise, clean food, routine, rest and peace. Clean food is resolving itself for the most part, and the introduction of routine and a schedule will make it a solid habit. Routines will fix most of my issues...... I used to live by a schedule. Somewhere I stopped, and I stopped functioning.
I've been writing it for years- what I want to do, what I need to do. But I was not sure how to make it happen. But I realize that I am the the trying to hold it together while those around me try to beat it down. It starts with me, and I will have to be a willow in the storm. I had it backwards and was all wrong.
1 comment:
As Moms, it's so hard to not feel guilty when we do things for ourselves! I am constantly struggling with this, too, but I've been working on it. If Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy! Hugs! <3
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