New Year's Eve

please ignore the date-----fourth of july i when i saw these explosions!

So, I know my party days are behind me. I also know that the idea of having a "date" after my kids go to bed is not a practical one (they are old enough to want to stay up). So, what do you do if you still want to celebrate? You have a cocktail party/movie night for four........

On the menu:

Bacon-wrapped cocktail sausages

Sweet n sour meatballs

Pizza Dip

Guacamole and chips

Chocolate fondue w/ strawberries, marshmallows, bananas and pound cake

For viewing:

Toy Story 3

Iron Man 2

And the Ball Drop

Plus, plenty of vodka for mom, lol

Things I want my Children to Know

Always be yourself. Being someone else is impossible- and too much work.

Do not be afraid to be a nerd- embrace it. Nerds are the ones who run the world any way.

Respect yourself. If you don't, no one else will.

Take care of your body. It is the only one you are going to get.

Always behave as if I am watching. Even if I don't find out, God knows.

THURSDAY/13

come read my deep dark secrets.....shhhhh

sometimes......

1. I wear mismatched stripey socks under my boots- like a funky little secret.

2. I could just wear my jammies all day.

3. I let my kids eat dessert for breakfast.

4. my life seems so boring I want to scream.

5. trashy novels are exactly what I want to read.

6. I listen to country music in the car.

7. I wonder about people I haven't seen in years (and.....).

8. I think about someone when I shouldn't be thinking like that.

9. I wear my daughter's perfume.

10. I secretly watch Lifetime movies.

11. I make my kids buy lunch so I can hit the snooze alarm a few extra times.

12. I wear "fancy underwear" just because.

13. I take Nyquil even though I do not have a cold.

Memory Monday

Zachary and Helen- 2005 Christmas portrait

Helen called this hair do "cotton balls"; Zachary is wearing "button on" shorts with knee socks and saddle shoes.....

fun

I has been far too long since I had any fun, either alone, as a couple or as a family........

Again, I do count my blessings. And I know others are far worse off than us. They are wanting for much more than a good time.

But the no time, no money, no one to watch my kids/dogs thing is getting to me. I could just use some care free time to just have fun.

Merry Christmas

Christmas morning.....

Helen is watching Eclipse

Zachary is playing with the Kinnect

David is drinking coffee

I have a sleeping dog on my feet

We are warm and safe

What a great and wonderful day......

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

thirteen things that make me smile

1. kids singing

2. finding zachary's little love notes all over the house

3. helen's random "i love you" whenever i say something really stupid

4. when ozzy puts his head in my lap so i ran rub his ears

5. clean folded laundry that has been put away

6. sock monkeys

7. email from {****}

8. the first cup of coffee in the morning

9. the beach, or memories of it

10. my silver tinsel christmas tree with the shiny brite ornaments

11. a really good book

12. cooking with my class

13. movie night with my kids

More things to remember

when navigating your vehicle

1. You do not have to STOP for public transportation- it is NOT a school bus.

2. You DO have to stop for ambulances, police cars and firetrucks.

3. Unless they are on the other side of a divided highway (do not think they are going to speed across the grass, into the 2 foot dip and through that fence, so do you really need to stop?).

4. There is no law saying that I HAVE to turn right on red, so if I cannot see to safely turn, I am not going to. SO stop blowing your *&(_*@&#(*&$ horn at me.

5. If you need to pull in and out of the parking spot 5 times so that you can BACK your big ol' truck into the spot, maybe you should really not park there, or park front end in first.

6. I do not need or want to listen to your musical selections while pumping my gas. Turn off your stereo, or turn it down. Have you ever wanted to pump gas with polka music playing just to confuse folks?

Things to Remember......

when Christmas shopping (for those of you who forget)

1. If you park your cart in the middle of an aisle and your ass is wider than the cart, you WILL be in some one's way.

2. The cashier does not care about your life story, who you are buying for or that blue is your grand son's favorite color. she cares that the line behind you is 12 customers deep.

3. Please refrain from talking loudly and swearing nonstop into your blue tooth. First of all, you look like you are crazy and talking to yourself. Second, this is Macy's, not your living room.

4. You know what store you are in and that you are about to pay for your crap. Find your wallet and coupons BEFORE you get in line.

5. Do not stand in line at the food court and talk to someone on your cell phone about what they want to eat while you are ordering. The people behind you KNOW what they want and want you to get out of the way.

6. You are not the only one in a hurry or under time constraints and a budget. SO shut up!

Memory Monday

Senior Prom 1985

This sooooo SUCKS....

Helen woke us up at 3 am when we heard her vomiting. On the carpet. Yay. The school bug has hit us. So by my calculations, Zachary will be sick by Tuesday/Wednesday and I will be sick on Christmas Eve, Fun, fun.

As if I already was not feeling Christmas this year. Normally we have looked at lights, made a gingerbread house, watched movies together, made cards and teacher gifts...... Not so much this year. I'm sure I will pull something out at the last minute, but I just couldn't muster it this year. Don't know what is up with me. I am gonna go with stress..... That sounds plausible, right?

So, I will brave the mall alone. Wish me luck. And pray for the other shoppers, cuz I get cranky at Christmas. I guess I need to make my lists. I already know who is naughty and nice.....

13! for Thursday

1. Finding inspiration is sometimes hard.

2. Then one just decides to write and see what happens.

3. Sometimes it is effective; sometimes not.

4. But it is making me think.

5. About:

love

regret

things I thought I had forgotten

what could have been

what is yet to be

6. But one thing that keeps coming back is this: the person who first broke my heart loved me more than I realized.

7. It is a weird feeling.

8. In one way it is nice to know that I was wrong about why he left me.

9. On the other hand, it is sad that we were each quietly missing the other.

10. As I have written many times, one cannot live a life in the past or one full of regrets.

11. Had we never broken up, I would have never lived in California, South Carolina or Maryland. I would have never become the person I am now because my experiences would be so different.

12. I would have been a bit more protected and sheltered from the world- of that I am certain.

13. Therefore, I must firmly say "I am where I am supposed to be".........

Temptation....

is something I have been thinking a lot about these days. How does one avoid it? And if one cannot avoid it, how does one resist? It is a fact of life, from an early age. As children we are tempted all the time. We see things we want but know we shouldn't have. And it doesn't get any easier as we grow up. Adulthood brings temptations greater than stolen cookies, and consequences greater than ruining dinner.

I guess fear of the consequences is the greatest motivator. No one is free from being tempted. It all goes back to Eve and that darn apple. And we know that if we don't want banishment, we must resist biting off more than we can handle. I am far from free of sin. I do not want to avoid the very thing that tempts me..... I only fear consequences and I guess that will have to be enough.

1 Cor 10:13 (TEB) Every temptation that has come your way is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps His promise, and He will not allow you to be tempted beyond your power to resist; at the time you are tempted He will give you the strength to endure it......

Dear Santa,

I have tried to be good this year. I have tried to set an example for my children, I have tried to be a good mother and wife. So I am humbly requesting the following this year:

1. a new XM radio so that I do not have to change the radio station 6 times in the 8 miles drive to school because dj's have no thought filter.

2. new pants because all of mine are too big.

3. some comfortable shoes, because I am standing most of the day.

4. that someone would put away the laundry, vacuum my bedroom, clean the toilet and make me a cup of coffee.

5. that I can go have some fun.

6. to feel like I am doing a good enough job.

Thanks Santa,

Me

I'll be Home for Christmas.....

(or at least a few days after that), I hope. I still don't know for sure that we will be able to make the trip. There will be vet bills and a kennel stay involved, so that can influence the decision. I do hope we go. If not, it will be July before I get down again.

So what do I want to do while in GA? Plenty- but mostly I want to see family and some friends. I want to go to Atkins Park with David, maybe take the kids some place I have not taken them before, like World of Coke. But mostly I want to see people. I also do not know how long we would stay- school starts back on the third, so staying until after New Year's probably won't happen. Times like this I hate living so far away. And as much as I like the family trips down, I would love to fly down alone some day. Other than when my father died, I have not been alone since I was pregnant with Helen. Maybe one day.....

Music....

I love music- always have. It wasn't really fostered in my house growing up (neither was sports, which I had a few I was good at). I was second chair flute in advanced band, with only one year of experience, not two like the other kids. I taught myself to play the oboe, and one song on piano. I can't sing to save my life.

Now my daughter, can sing. She is naturally gifted in music, as well as poetry. Therefore I was not surprised when I (nosy mom) saw her book in her room. She has been writing songs. I know she makes up songs all the time, changes words to songs on the radio (usually funny, a la Weird Al). But I didn't know she was composing real songs.

Now, what to do with this info? I know that she is gifted in many ways. But I cannot provide for her lessons and materials to develop her gifts. And it makes my heart hurt. I want to buy her a guitar. Maybe she can figure out how to play it. Stranger things have happened.

Fond memories.....

(cuz everyone loves lists)

riding in a convertible with the top down- and it is about 30 degrees outside

moonlight skinny dipping

any time i have ever been to a beach

cabrillo national monument

nyc at christmas

the cult concert, 1988

hotel del coronado

feta-sketti

the "den of sin"

atkins park

eating low country boil in savannah

st. pat's parade in savannah

may day at brenau

falling asleep in a hammock, in someone's arms (even though i was painfully sunburned)

senior prom

mission beach

the midget

fireworks on peachtree street

disneyland

vegas

drinks at the sundial

pitty pat's porch

chinese food in bed

tiny converse sneakers

covington cemetery

nchs soccer

potter's thrift store

cruising the plaza

walking to the square after school

13 13 13 13 13 13

*favorite Christmas songs in no particular order- inspired by {****}

1. We Three Kings
2. Silent Night
3. O Holy Night
4. Angels We Have Heard on High
5. Up on the House Top
6. When My Heart Finds Christmas (Harry Connick, Jr.)
7. Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
8. O Come O Come Emmanuel
9. Do You Hear What I Hear?
10. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
11. What Child is This?
12. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas
13. ANYTHING by Nat King Cole

I am trying.....

to be more festive. Really I am. I think that I need to go through my craft supplies and see what I have to throw together a craft project for Helen and Zachary. And they need to make their Christmas cards this weekend, too. Maybe I will finally get to sit down and watch some Christmas movies with them, since last Saturday was a bust! And it is time to start making gifts for teachers and friends..... a lot to do, but of course, everything needs a list! I am all about the lists and the calendar- (this is how I have managed my own ADHD since the 10th grade).

So, I do have all the decorations out, except for the snowmen in the kitchen and downstairs bathroom. Those were not in with the regular Christmas decorations- so I need to find them. All five trees are up, Santa Claus, Snowbabies and Nativity are where they belong. The front of the house needs a wreath. It is beginning to look more Christmassy in my house. I wish we were going to a party though- I need a party......

ba humbug

I am turning into my mom! She always ran around screaming at everyone- I finally resorted to putting up the decorations when no one was home so that I could enjoy it. I might have to go back to that philosophy.

So while I am trying to decorate and keep my seven year old from destroying everything, David has been cooking. That sounds nice and all unless you consider these things:

1. I have had to carry the boxes of decorations up and down stairs by myself.

2. I put the tree together by myself.

3. I have tried to find a home for all the things displaced by the Christmas decorations by myself.

4. I have had to stop what I am doing to find things like poultry seasoning and instruct how to make my apple crisp.

5. I have had to clean up all his dishes, wipe down the counters, wash pots, load and unload the dishwasher twice and scrub the sink 4 times.

I am really, really not feeling the Spirit.

Christmas Spirit

It is even harder to get into it this year. We've never had much money, but when the kids were younger, it wasn't hard to get excited, because they were excited. Now we have even less than before and it is a struggle even without having to think of a way to deliver Santa Claus.

I know the answer is to make Christmas about what it truly means. I have done that, but that is hard when sharing your Catholic home with an atheist. These are the times that the differences show and it is hard. And he shuts down because the materialistic side of Christmas cannot be delivered. But as a result, he is missing out on so much. SO, as usual, I am going to buck up, put on a smile and be there for my kids. Alone.

To Do List

1. get out decorations

2. put them up

3. put away the boxes

4. laundry

5. shop

6. wrap

7. make cookies

8. teacher gifts

9. Christmas cards ordered

10. envelopes addressed

11. cards mailed

12. kids cards for classmates

13. preK "gifts" made

14. Christmas outfits for Helen and Zachary

15. figure out who is hosting Christmas dinner

16. go look at Christmas lights

17. make gingerbread houses

18. add ornaments to kids' collection

19. repeat number 4 about 27 times

20. get a haircut

italics indicates done

dear......

26 year old co-worker,

Please do not refer to your 29 year old sister as "old" (REPEATEDLY) to your 43 year old co-workers.

Please try to be on time to work. And if you cannot, please do not use your "crazy life" or cats as an excuse. If I can get to work on time, towing my two children (and those of you who KNOW my children understand), then ANYONE can get to work on time.

Please stop asking me what I am doing and then tell me why you aren't doing it.

Please stop making me look bad because you suck.

Please wash your hair on a regular basis.

Thank you.

THIRTEEN

things teachers wish parents knew

1. We don't like it when you think your child does nothing wrong. They are human; they are children. Therefore, they make mistakes.

2. We wish you would follow the few simple things we ask for. Putting the lunch money inside a labeled Ziploc bag may not seem like a big deal, until you are faced with 14 one dollar bills and you are not sure who it belongs to.

3. We pretty much all hate Capri Sun pouches, Lunchables and Gogurt. The packages are impossible to open and we end up wearing the contents.

4. We like it when you say "thank you".

5. We love random acts 0f generosity (that cup of coffee one dad brought me on fall festival day made my morning).

6. Label your kid's junk. We have 20 little bodies to keep up with and all of them have the same sweatshirt.

7. We know when you are lying.

8. Just send the nap mat back on Monday. We don't care if you really just Febreezed it. Really, we don't.

9. If you don't believe every single thing your child tells you about us, we will do the same for you.

10. If you really want your kid ready for kindergarten, don't buy a bunch of dvd's and workbooks. Talk to them, read to them, give them some scissors and a glue stick and show them how to use them.

12. Candy for snack is OK on November 1. Not so much by November 13- we send it back or throw it away- get a clue!

13. We are never surprised when we meet the jerk parents of the jerk kid- apple never falls far from the tree......... They live by example, Mom and Dad.....

Have you ever.....

had something on your mind? Something you keep playing over and over again in your head, trying to figure it out? I keep thinking about some particular events in my past, and have realized some things are not what I thought they were. Assumption is a very bad idea- an assumption literally changed the course of my life. A different choice would have yielded a very different outcome for me.

One cannot think too much about past events, for if one spends too much time and energy focusing on things that cannot be changed, that person will go nuts. Although, I must admit, I am now inspired to live to 110, just so I can see what happens.......

Christmas List 2010

For both

X box 360 Kinect

Helen

1. Vera Bradley purse

2. Music downloads

3. DS game

4. New ear buds

5. Bath and Body works

6. "Lamby" throw blanket in fushia

7. Books (Margaret Henry books)

8. Clothes (mostly shirts and dresses)

Zachary

1. Tech Deck stuff

2. Xbox game

3. Nerf guns and bullets

4. "Lamby" throw blanket in blue

5. Books (Bad Kitty, Diary of Wimpy Kid)

6. Loopz

bought

thankful thursday thirteen

13 things for which I am thankful

1. Helen- my first born who challenges me and teaches me something every day.

2. Zachary- my baby, who loves me more than anyone else.

3. My dogs- because they are always glad to see me, and they are cute and furry.

4. My job- glad to have one, and with such great people, too!

5. David- the one I come home to, who puts up with me and tries to keep me sane.

6. Renewed friendships- some people mean more than I ever realized.

7. Good friends- I am so blessed to have a few very wonderful friends that will do anything for me, and I will do the same for them.

8. A home- when so many have none.

9. My sister- who I miss every day.

10. My education- I was fortunate enough to get a good one.

11. My health- although it isn't perfect, I can walk on my own two feet, use all my senses and think for myself.

12. My faith- God is good and He makes sure I have what I need, and that I am where I belong.

13. Vices- I have some and do not plan to give them up (didn't think I'd be completely serious, did you?)

venting....

I am supposed to be working right now. But I am watching the bread we just made bake in the oven while the kids are at recess and need to unload.

I take on too much. It is a bad habit of mine, as well as an old one. Ever since I was young (like Middle School age) I have tried to do it all. Sorry. I have gotten better at saying no. I have even gotten good at delegating. Except when I am a committee of one.

Which brings me to my problem. I had hoped for a partner in life. A helpmate. Someone to tell me everything will be fine; someone to give me a boost when it isn't going fine. You can probably guess that is NOT what I got. You cannot tell these things before you say "I do". You really can't. Add two children (one who is like 4 kids all by herself) to the mix and you get one stressed out person. And one who watches TV, plays with his Android or just lays there as the walls come crashing down. I get that there are times I need to ASK for help; but for Pete's sake..... doesn't it also seem that one can look at me and see the struggle. Get up off the couch and just GIVE of yourself?

Thanks- I needed that. I do love my family very much, but there are some days that I just need a partner.

**UPDATE**- after my rant/vent the husband actually sent me two messages asking if he could do anything to help me with the work I needed to do. And he made dinner tonight- thanks, dear!

Dream house.....

In my fantasy land, where I wear a tiara and am always right, and amazing, I also have a perfect house. It has:

1. Big eat-in kitchen, with a big bulletin board for posting things.

2. An "office" corner for me.

3. A craft room, with a dark room.

4. A family room- a place for the kids to go and leave me alone, lol.

5. Tons of closets, shelves and storage.

6. His n hers bathrooms- I don't want to share any more.

7. A man cave- so the husband can go away and be grumpy somewhere else.

8. A large out door space with room for parties.

9. A pool.

10. And a pond.

11. A tree house.

12. The laundry room would be on the same floor as the bedrooms, not in the basement!

13. A screened in porch with a swing.

14. Room for a tread mill...... gotta work off all the food I will cook in my huge kitchen!

Sleep

Why is it that when I was young I had insomnia, but now I could sleep for 2 days if no one woke me up?

My insomnia started when I was about 10 or so. I could lay awake for hours. It was awful and embarrassing. I hated going to sleepovers or camp because of it. At camp you cannot get up and read or watch tv. You just have to lay there. All. Night.

After I was in high school and college, my mother would wake me up because she said I was wasting my day sleeping..... um, I had only been asleep about 2 0r 3 hours........... thanks! Plus I worked in a convenience store until 11 pm- went out with friends after, didn't get home until 1- you get the picture.....

I have lived alone often and couldn't sleep then, either. Even now, if the husband is out of town- I am up most of the night. Funny thing is that after I married him, as long as he is home, I can sleep. Wonder why?

13! for Thursday

for your reading pleasure- a bucket list

thanx for the inspiration , {****}- you're the best!

1. to learn karate so i could kick ass if i wanted to.

2. to figure out all the buttons on my camera.

3. to meet my great grandchildren.

4. to have a passport.

5. with stamps in it.

6. to cook with paula deen, or alton brown.

7. to live near my sister.

8. to finally do work with a mission, or the peace corps.

9. to hike the AT (or at least some of it) with my daughter.

10. to own a pair of REAL cowboy boots (red, please).

11. to win a trophy.

12. to have a garden.

13. to pick out my own car.

Property......

When I was 17, just after I graduated from high school, I went to Six Flags with some friends. No, not the boyfriend, because he wanted to play tennis with a bunch of sweaty boys {instead of making out with me in the Monster Plantation}. Just friends. While I was there, I bought a set of dog tags. Just plain ol' tags on a ball chain. For a small fee, one could have them engraved. I had "Property of {insert boyfriend's name here}" on mine.

Fast forward a couple of weeks..... I went to Florida on a school trip. A chaperon, a former hippy feminist with the backside the size of a van, took immediate offense to to my dog tags. As an adult, I can see the cause for alarm...... young girl sees herself as a piece of property. She obviously did not know me, or understand. Nor did she ask, merely lectured and criticized.

If she had asked "why", I would have gladly explained it to her. Obviously, she is most likely NOT a reader of this blog, but I would love the chance to share what I would have loved to tell her then. Property of {****} did not mean what she assumed. It was an expression of devotion- meant to make him feel good, to show that even though I had stopped wearing his class ring I wanted an outward sign that someone loved me. It meant that he was the first of many things and an important piece of my life's short history. And I have never been a feminist any way, so it was a nose thumb at the type of girls/women that annoyed me then, and now.

If I had felt controlled by {****}, the last thing in the world I would have ever done is put his name around my neck. In fact, it was quite the opposite. It was more a sign of freedom than oppression. So, Mrs. Mitchell...... you will probably never understand it in a million years. Or maybe you do and realize that 17 year old silly girl was actually pretty deep.

I have reconnected with quite a few people via facebook in the past year or so. For the most part, it has been a good experience. And also, enlightening.

When I was in college I pledged a sorority. There were about 50 girls that I considered sisters. At the time I admired and looked up to quite a few of them. Some carried themselves with with a dignity and grace that I only dreamed of. One sister that I thought was one of the most beautiful and wonderous creatures ever (she was a senior) broke up with her boyfriend. I admired the strength and grace that she showed despite any sadness she might have felt. I wanted to be just like her- I was still miserable from a break up months before.

Another girl, a pledge sister, was so unbelievably organized and put together. I was envious of the fact that was dressed to perfection, beautiful and really read the books for English........ And she was so smart......

There are quite few others- girls that I never felt "equal" to, but wanted to be like. Fast forward 20 years- years that I did not stay in touch, as we were never close- and I am amazed to find how much we have in common. The fabulous senior? Has a wonderful dry wit and gets my jokes. The organized smart one- same thing....... I am also finding out that they also held me in high regard- SHOCKING . Maybe I was better and more memorable than I had imagined.......

stronger......

They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Probably a lot of truth to that statement. I know I am a strong person; I have the experience to back it up, too.

First of all, I was raised by a narcissistic mother. The only time I wasn't ignored, I was being punished. If that wasn't enough to mess me up, there is more. My siblings were all gone from home by the time I was 10. So I was on my own. Almost literally. I had to make most of my own decisions. There was not much in the way of support. My dad was very strict and he kept me balanced. He also made sure I kept my sense of humor.

When I was 15, I was assaulted on a family vacation- I really do not want to go into detail because I still don't like thinking about it, but I was very, very cautious for a very long time. In one way, it is a blessing, because it made me more aware of those around me and, I think, kept something worse from happening to both myself and my friends in the future.

People I have loved have left me.

I have battled issues with too much alcohol. I have been depressed.

I spent six years married to someone who, on some days was my best friend. On others, I had no idea who the hell he was. Sometimes it was scary and I was in fear much of the time, especially toward the end.

Most of my adult life has been spent away from my hometown and family. This has been partly because I felt like there was nothing for me in Covington and I never wanted to go back. But it has also been hard because I have missed so much.

I have lost two children. One would be turning 15 this month. If the other had been born, I wouldn't have Helen. I also almost lost the two children I have- one in childbirth, the other at one month. Seeing my baby on life support is one of the hardest things I have ever faced. Sometimes I wonder if Helen's challenges are the result birth trauma.

Currently I struggle daily with being a good mother, a good wife, a good teacher. Trying to balance it all is hard work. Sometimes I dream of a day off. From it all. I'd never wish it all gone. But a day in the sun, hearing the ocean, drinking rum....... would be a nice break from having to be strong all the damn time.

Names

As parents, we took a great deal of time picking out names for our children. Funny, though, because we came into this marriage with a preconceived notion of naming our future kids. I know girls do it- we imagine this little brood and name them....... and no one has filled the sperm contributor in on this. He has his own ideas. And all of yours stink.

Now, growing up, I imagined a big family. I knew Christopher would be the first. He would be followed by Paul, Elizabeth, Alexander and David. What would have happened if I had 5 girls, I don't know. Well, life evolves, the names altered and the number reduced. Finally, I was expecting a child. And the fights began. Literally everything I suggested was all wrong (and usually "gay"). Even Andrew (which is actually the sperm contributor's own MIDDLE NAME) was deemed "gay". Good thing it was a girl.

We named her Helen Jacqueline. Named after two wonderful ladies- David's grandmother and my sister. Everyone said "you're naming her an old lady name"..... well, we named her after an old lady..... Thing is, when Helen is middle aged all the old ladies will be named Brittney and Tiffany.

We easily picked out a girl name for our second child. Heidi Susan. Helen and Heidi sounded nice together. Heidi was a favorite book of mine, and Susan is not only my own name, it is my mother in law's name. Then we found out at 32 weeks, that we were (SURPRISE) actually having a boy. Back to the drawing board....... and fights.

David Andrew Jr. was not going to happen. I am 5'0". David is 6'3". He plays baseball and (even though he hates it) is known as Big Dave. I could not risk having "Little Dave" who never makes it to 5'5" and is shorter than his Amazon sister. Andrew, or Drew, was out. We agreed on the middle name (after David's father). Everything else we fought about. For days. Finally, one night, David picked up the dog eared baby name book and opened it to the back- the Z's. He said,

"Zachary". He closed the book, tossed it on the sofa and went upstairs. I mulled it over, and I liked it. Zachary Raymond......

So, now I am the mother to two, whose names I would have never imagined years before, and I cannot imagine being anything else now.

13! for Thursday

1. Love the story The Little Red Hen.

2. No one wants to help the hen, so she does everything "all by myself".

3. At the end she has fresh baked bread and everyone wants some.

4. She says "NO!"

5. What a brave, ballsy little hen.

6. I wish I was more like her.....

7. Wish our government was too (um, i did the work, why do you get a cut?)

8. Children's literature is wonderful.

9. The bad guy gets it in the end, good trumps evil, goats can talk......

10. I just really hate that Rainbow Fish.

11. He is a really special shiny fish and everyone hates him.

12. So he starts handing out his shiny scales and then all the fish look alike.

13. Some claim it is about sharing; sounds like socialism to me...........

First Dates and other Details

I was talking to someone about first dates and that made me start to think. How many first dates do you have in a lifetime? If is an ONLY date, it doesn't count, no matter how memorable it is. I don't think I can recall every first date I ever had in detail. I can say that only a few led to a relationship that mattered.

Sometimes you remember what you were wearing when you met (white t shirt, black pants, black vest, combat boots and a leather jacket), or even what the other person was wearing (white linen no collared shirt, faded jeans, converse hi tops)...... other times you don't even really remember what you did or where you went. As in- I remember when and where I first saw my husband...... couldn't tell you where we went on our first date. Actually, we met with friends, then left them to go do something together, so was that our first date? Or was it when he actually picked me up at my apartment and we had a plan (which I think involved Mexican food and many beers, but I could not tell you what I was wearing, lol). So confusing. But I can tell you about my last first kiss.

In my kitchen I have a framed print of two bar stools and a small table. The picture was taken in Atkins Park. This is spot where David kissed me for the first time, the same night we ditched our friends. He also first told me he loved me in that parking lot a few weeks later. We went there often after that, and had our rehearsal dinner there the night before we were married. We go back every time we are in Atlanta together, usually with the children (that means we cannot sit at our table, however- as it is in the bar area). The picture was actually taken with film and I am too lazy to scan it in for your enjoyment. Sorry.

I am one of those people. I recall weird, random details that other people may not notice or recall. Don't ask me where the car keys are or if my cell phone has been charged, or if I paid a bill. Chances are, I don't know. I can tell you I remember the important things. Like the way my babies looked first thing in the morning, wearing their footie jammies. The way my cat slept on David's chest the first time he "spent the night". The way it felt when my sailor returned from the Gulf and I knew he was finally safe at home. The excitement of a boy giving me a class ring that was obnoxiously huge on my finger.

They say God is in the details. I don't know about that, but I do know the important things always are. The small things that make life's memories are always the details.

Saturday morning

Helen just left for her field hockey tournament- with no arguing. Now I am left here with just Zachary who is already showered and dressed (in a bright yellow Yoda shirt) and watching Mythbusters (is it weird that I find Adam Savage hot?). I have my coffee, my Curious George jammie pants and the lap top. Life is kinda nice.

Later today I will attend a First Reconciliation workshop with my son. He really has no concept of confession and penance. He barely grasps "forgive". I wonder if he is ready. Or are any of his peers. Most of the participants are second graders. I was personally 33 years old when I made my First Reconciliation, and I still barely get it!

Some of my readers either do not know how I became Catholic, or didn't know I wasn't raised that way. When I was 15, I went on a cruise with my parents. It was Easter so the ship held a Catholic Mass. I went with some boys I met during the trip (always found the boys, go figure). I was touched by the service and would have converted then if my parents would have let me. As the years passed, there never seemed to be a right time to switch. I started attending Catholic services when I moved to Maryland in 1996. I promised David's grandmother (also named Helen) that if he and I had children, they would be raised Catholic. I did not convert until I was pregnant with Helen.

I had to attend RCIA classes for about 9 months, filed for an annulment, tracked down my Baptism records (not easy, but easier than I thought it was going to be) and went to most classes while chasing a crawling infant. Thankfully on that aspect, there were many candidates and sponsors willing to hold and tolerate a wiggly active baby. I did my First Reconciliation with Helen on my lap. It was also my last. I am way over due. Maybe I will join my son on Monday.

Wide awake

I really hate it when the dog wakes me up at 4 am. He goes back to sleep; I have to get up in an hour and am wide awake. Thinking. AAAAHHHHHGGGGG!!!!!! My brain should not be on at 4 am. That is a time of day that should be seen only once per 24 hour window. Period.

So what am I thinking about? Wouldn't you like to know? Seriously, making mental lists of things I need to do. Regretting that I did not wash that pot that is sitting on the stove, but not do not have the motivation to go take care of now. Wondering if Zachary has clean pants for today...... The usual stuff. Plus wondering how folks can go for 25 years without speaking and pick up like they have been best friends all along. Weird, but nice at the same time.

1. My purse is purple.

2. My cell phone is purple.

3. My lunch box is purple.

4. My least favorite color is ...... purple.

5. Go figure.

6. I would prefer red.

7. Which is also the preferred color for a vehicle.

8. Maybe when I am much older I will get to pick out my own car.

9. Of course I will most likely be too old to care.

10. So, maybe I can get a red Rascal Scooter.

11. So I can run amok in the nursing home.

12. While wearing my tiara.

13. And picking up men......

Every mom

...(and the occasional dad) knows exactly what I mean....... You feel kinda bad about it, but you have to do it. You MUST throw away that picture your son drew on a paper towel. You have to donate that "favorite" toy that has not been touched since preschool (and the child is now in the fifth grade). You don't care if the sneakers till fit- the fact that if you 7 year old takes them off in the car you gag and roll down the windows...... you MUST throw them away........

But you are tossing pieces of their childhood- they cry, get their feelings hurt, say how mean you are....... But if you don't do some weeding every now and then, you will lose your sanity (as well as 75% of your home)....... I guess that is the real reason black trash bags were invented.......

stuff

I get up at 5 AM. Sometimes earlier, if I wake up on my own. Today, the day I needed to get everything in order and out the door because I did not plan ahead- I slept until 6:20. And we still left EARLY. How did that happen?

After school I went to Target (alone!). Left with 7 pounds of candy, one huge assed jug of laundry detergent, 12 rolls of toilet paper, a new tooth brush and BOOTS!!!!!!!

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

1. It's almost Halloween.

2. Didn't do nearly the things I have done in the past.

3. Kinda sad about it really.

4. It doesn't even feel like fall, any way!

5. Tired. of. humidity.

6. Field hockey/soccer season is complete..... am I glad?

7. Maybe I can get caught up with everything, finally!

8. Started planning our class Jesse tree and Advent wreath today!!!!

9. There is no Halloween stuff at the grocery store now- but plenty of Christmas candy and decorations.

10. Why do I always feel as if we are living one event to the next?

11. Should we really pressure ourselves this way??

12. I am planning a very low key Christmas this year.

13. And all I want for Christmas is a trip to Georgia......

Need...

to meet with teachers again. Helen is starting into her bad habits again. She is not writing down things, forgetting her books and papers, losing things...... It would help a lot if the person that is supposed to help her would do her job. I am getting tired of this. If it wasn't coworker I'd have gone nasty mama on her by now.......... maybe now is the time!

I wish.......

1. I wish someone thought I was beautiful.

2. I wish someone thought I was amazing.

3. I wish someone would take care of me for a change.

4. I wish I knew then what I know now.

5. I wish......

Bullies

have been in the news a lot lately. We have all been touched in some way by a bully. Whether it was yourself as a victim, or your child, a friend or cousin. You may have even been the bully at some point. It is sad and wrong and we all know it.

But I am going out on a limb here. Are we as a culture encouraging it? Kids are not learning social skills, our media rich and too busy way of life does not promote interaction, empathy or unity. Too many are self absorbed and seem to not notice the people around them. Now there is a huge focus on the terrible things that bullies do, giving them attention and power. There lies the problem. You can create rules and laws to punish bullies and try to prevent the torment. But you cannot make people be nice. Some just get pleasure from being mean.

The second piece of the problem is that we do not want our children to have a difficult time. We have protected them from everything that may hurt their self-esteem to the point that some have not developed a sense of self-preservation. These children become victims. I would like to see more "anti-victim" programs. Instead of trying to teach kids to not bully, teach them to stick up for themselves and their friends. To walk away. To think that if I do not react, the mean guy has no power. Avoid being the victim. If you are with a bully, tell them you cannot be friends with them. Stop giving bullies the power and the tools to hurt others. Your child cannot be cyber bullied if there are limits to internet and cell phones.

It is hard to do, it really is. Bullying is human nature and will not go away. But you can take away their power.

I really need a break.....

from my life. I want to go be someone else for a weekend. Or time travel to my younger days and just hang out.

Everyone here is grumpy and tired. Two of us are old and falling apart. My house is dirty, the clothes are piled up, and the trashcan is always over flowing. And I would like to take a break. To some place with sand. And rum.

FIELD TRIP!!!!!!!!

I love a good field trip. And I love this little place. We are going to Clark's Elioak Farm today!!!!!

I plan to take a lot of pictures tomorrow and then hide from my class, lol!

Seriously, I love the old recovered artifacts the most. I wish I could go to the original Enchanted Forest and take some pictures there.

On a side note, I would also like to photograph abandoned buildings, but they scare the bajeezus out of me- I am claustrophobic for one thing (good for someone who works in a basement) and I have a fear of rodents and falling through rotten floors. So I guess Urban Exploration is not in my future, although the photos are awesome. But I have to admit one of the strangest and best "dates" David and I have ever been on involved 5 cameras and 3 dozen rolls of black and white film at the cemetery in Covington, GA!

13 13 13 13 13 13 13

1. Really, really wanted those brown boots, but didn't buy them.

2. Lord help me, they were SOOOOO flippin' hard to pass up!

3. I love me some boots.

4. They make me feel all tall and bad ass.

5. As if 5 foot nuthin' could ever be tall.

6. Which may explain why I like teaching four year olds.

7. Never met one taller than me.

8. I wish I knew how to play the guitar.

9. I'd be like Maria in the Sound of Music.

10. Why don't you ever see women with dark brown hair and blonde roots?

11. And why don't the platinum blonde/black roots chicks schedule an appointment as they walk out of the salon.

12. Seems like they would know their hair is going to grow (as that is inevitable).

13. I used to regularly color my hair, but am currently sporting brown hair with silver highlights.........

All I can say is.....

never trust another woman. I find out more and more times I have been stabbed in the back by a supposed well meaning friend....... no guy friend ever did that. Except "Boring Bob", but that is another story......

Still thinking about men. Mainly the few that truly shaped my life.... For security reasons, I will not use real names.

#1- My dad. He and I were close once. Then things changed. He and my mother divorced, he remarried and, after that, nothing was the same. His wife was a nasty creature, but I think that if I had been geographically closer, things would have been different. And maybe his death would not have been as senseless. I miss the dad I had in my youth. The dad I had as an adult was disappointing.

#2- This person meant a lot to me, and then went away. As an adult thinking back to our relationship, I realize it was genuine. There was a mutual understanding and comfort there. We just enjoyed each other's company. We were both young and probably did not fully appreciate that this kind of relationship is the stuff that true partnerships are based upon, not the overly romantic notions of youth. I guess he was what I needed when I didn't have enough sense to know it.

#3- This person is another one that made me know what I was looking for. He treated me better than I thought I deserved, and I will never forget that. It still makes me feel special. We are still in touch and he is still an awesome guy.

#4- And the challenging one..... drove me crazy and was ultimately all wrong for me. We worked better as friends than we did as a couple and he taught me what I did NOT want. But he still knew me better than most.... And he reminds me of my mother.

#5- Is a lot like #2 and #3. I met him at a bad time. He was unbelievably understanding and patient. He trusted me and gave me space and that meant so much. We didn't always agree, but we could always compromise. We would finish each other's sentences and have pretty much the same sense of humor. I sat in a Waffle House one night before I met him and made a list once of things I wanted in a man. Wrote it on a napkin with a Sharpie. He had everything on the list.

Must want children

Needs to notice when I walk into a room

Must be kind to animals

Funny

Loyal

Tall (what can I say- they only ones #1 t0 #5 that was under 6 feet was my dad)

Is not mean

Good tipper

Smart

Kind

I was talking to a friend recently about Prince Charming. That got me thinking about little girls. Not too long ago, I wrote about raising boys in our world. Boys have some pretty unrealistic role models. But girls have it bad, too.

Think about it. Boys are exposed to super heroes, idiot characters and weird men with big arms and small heads. Girls, well, girls' ideal men consist of Ken and Prince charming. Clearly, not the most manly of men. They spend their time brown nosing Barbie and Cinderella. They do not have a Dream House, a cool car, or even a JOB. They follow her around, because they cannot survive without her. Ken would never ask Barbie where his socks/drill/wallet are! Prince Charming would never leave the seat up. Reality? Some guy pissed off that he will never be Spiderman and leaving his dirty underwear on the floor, usually adjacent to the hamper because he missed (while bragging what good aim he has).

Do you see the lopsidedness to this? No wonder no one can stay married! I have no idea how I ended up actually LIKING men. Maybe it is because 75% of all women I know are annoying on most levels. They expect Prince Charming and Ken. Someone that will live for them. This is not realistic or practical. I hope that my daughter learns that most men are just boys who still want to be Spiderman. They can be selfish, lazy and inconsiderate. But we should love them any way. And watch out for those Prince Charming types- they are usually chasing Ken.

not hard to please.....

I hate it when I get called difficult! I really am not hard to make happy. I am a simple person, to tell the truth. I think the things that make my absolutely happy are things that would work for most women. Very simple.

• Listen when I talk. Even if it has nothing to do with you.
• Once in a while do something that you hate just because I like it.
• Kiss me for no reason.
• Tell me you love me every day.
• Help me. This is huge. Men don't get this one simple fact----- do a household chore without being asked and NOT asking for a cookie and guess what? You might get lucky. Just sayin'- a tired woman= no fun! Having to pick up your underwear is a pretty big turn off.

Things I have Learned

A few words of wisdom from experience:

1. Whoever said "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, blah blah blah" needs to be tarred and feathered. What a stupid piece of advice. If you love something, let it know every day! And don't let it go without a fight.

2. Communication is the most critical and most often overlooked component of a relationship.

3. Desire the best, but plan for the worst. That way you are not disappointed.

4. Don't put your children ahead of your marriage. They are supposed to grow up and leave you. Shouldn't you have someone you actually like left with you?

5. Always pack more underwear than you think you need.

6. Buy toilet paper in bulk and hide a roll. You might be grateful for that one day.

7. A woman should always have a "secret stash" of cash. It doesn't need to be much, but that hidden $50 has saved the day more than once.

in my perfect world..... (addendum)

12. I would never have to unload the groceries, or put away the laundry cuz that is why I had so many kids.

13. I would not have to pump gas, take out the trash or maintain my vehicle, because the husband that thinks I am fabulous (and not the least bit annoying) would have already taken care of it. (and then I would be unstressed and a happy to show my gratitude, lol, wink wink)

in my perfect world.....

1. I wear a tiara and am always right.

2. I live near my family.

3. With about 5 or 6 kids.

4. And a dog.

5. And maybe a goat. (only cuz they are cute)

6. As the coolest mom and favorite aunt, everyone would be at my house. All the time.

7. No one would have "issues".

8. We would always have socks.

9. Every year we'd have a Halloween party and everyone would help decorate.

10. My husband would think I am fabulous and not the lest bit annoying.

11. And I would still be a size 4.

Amen.

Sometimes...

I get so frustrated, especially in public. First of all, have you people never shopped in a store before? Could you kindly take a look around a realize you are not the only person in the aisle and get your behiney out of the middle of it? No one can get around you and you just STAND there, usually with your grubby children, even after I have said EXCUSE ME 3 times. Second, do you really need to walk around AC Moore with your cell phone and Blue Tooth talking about Lord knows what? And so LOUDLY? And stop cussing. I don't want to hear it, and I don;t want my children to hear about what your did with your date last night, either.

Finally, why can I not go anywhere on Sunday without having to deal with a certain NFL team's jersey everywhere? Where I come from, you don't wear nasty flip flops and football jerseys to CHURCH. Nor do you wear pajama pants, jeans or anything you may have slept in. I know what you're gonna say- God doesn't care what I wear...... Well, it's His house. You would dress up more than that to go to a friend's house. Or a party. This is God's house, show some effort.

I've been spending too much time thinking again. I shouldn't do that- it makes my brain sore. Seriously, though, the past is generally best left behind you. But every once in a while, something enlightening comes along. This time, it involves a broken heart.

I didn't really have serious relationships when I was younger. I was pretty immature most of the time and had no idea of anything outside of Covington, GA. I certainly had no idea what I wanted. And I never really got asked out that much. But I did have a boyfriend my senior year of high school. You know the kind- the class ring, the standing Saturday night date, the one you knew you'd go to the prom with........

I was accepted to Brenau in early admissions. Brenau was the only place I had applied. I had only visited Agnes Scott, Georgia State (which would have been as a commuter since there were no dorms then) and Brenau. My parents had already said "absolutely not" to UGA (wise move, dad). So I knew where I was headed after graduation. I had no clue what I wanted to study, but I did know I wanted more from life than I would have if I didn't go.

About a month before it was time to leave, the boyfriend broke up with me. I never knew why and I was crushed. I don't think I ate for days and I didn't sleep very well, either. My parents made me get a job to "take my mind off it"...... Yeah, cuz workin' the drive thru at KFC really takes your mind off getting dumped and feeling sorry for yourself.

Who knows if we had what it took to stay together through four years of college. Who knows if we would have ended up married with a bunch of kids and celebrating 50 years of bliss. I can tell you I was crushed at the time. I can tell you I have many friends that are currently happily married to a high school sweetheart. And I can tell you that even though I was already married and living in another state, I was sad the day he got married to someone else- proof that he had totally forgotten me. And when my mother told me he had the score of the UGA/GA Tech game on the soles of his shoes for all to see, I laughed my ass off.........

THIRTEEN

1. Hopefully I will get better at posting more often.

2. The past few months have been difficult.

3. Had no idea why I felt so horrible.

4. So, moving on from here......

5. I have been trying to hammer home to point to my children that they are genetically doomed- diabetes on both sides, plus high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer.......

6. Time to set a better example.

7. And thinking that if God has a plan for us and we have free will, he must have a back up plan. Otherwise those two notions do not jive.

8. Unless our free will takes us on a detour.

9. I dunno.

10. I do not live in the past but I wonder sometimes how different choices would have played out.

11. That is normal, I know.

12. Just saying- would different choices have yielded the same result?

13. Or would I be living in Georgia as a mother to five, hosting Thursday night family dinners every week? Or would I be a nun living in a hut in an unknown village teaching the poor to care for their babies and goats? Interesting thought.......

thirteen (plus one cuz i waited til friday)

1. I am 43 now.

2. Never thought I'd be that old, lol.

3. I think about when my mom was 43.... she was beginning her 30 year journey of menopause.

4. That and her thyroid/depression/blood pressure/back pain served as excuses for almost everything.

5. Now for a few random thoughts.....

6. If you are going to be late picking up your child from school, do not walk in with a Starbuck's cup (unless it is FOR the teacher). Hint- now I know WHY you were late and I am annoyed.

7. If you have time to build your own boat, you clearly have time to unload the dishwasher and put a NEW trash bag into the trash can. Just sayin'.

8. Have found out that as soon as a Husky completes blowing its coat, Pomeranians begin.

9. I used to feel guilty about liking some students more than others. I have since learned that in all things in life there are favorites. You just have to find a way to not show it.

10. I owe Laquetta Brummet of Infants of Dunwoody everything in my adult life. She was the mentor I needed and the mom I never had......

11. And back to my birthday- which have a way of sucking.....

12. For my 43rd I found out I have diabetes.

13. Blood tests next week will confirm, but I really did know it already.

14. Don't tell my mom!

THIRTEEN

1. I thought I was impervious to noise..... I was wrong!

2. Did you know that it is nearly impossible to narrow down where humming is coming from in a room with 20 four year olds?

3. I wish someone would pack MY lunch for a change.

4. I bought myself Keurig for my birthday.

5. SO I guess now David won't have to get me a present, lol.

6. Our 14th wedding anniversary is in about 6 weeks...

7. I'd love a trip....

8. perhaps here....

9. or here........

10. it would probably be more like here!

11. Oh, well.

12. And I bet I have to make my own birthday cake.

13. Again.

hey you

yeah, you. Just so you know....

1. not everything is about you, or the democrats for that matter.

2. your tedious pursuits are making me tired.

3. I have SO many other things going on in my life right now that I do not have the energy to respond to your messages. You said you were going to leave me alone, now DO THAT!

That's all. If you read this I am sure you will turn it into something it is not. Sometimes it really IS just a cigar, pal.

Rainy days and Mondays......

What happens when it is both? Yuck, that's what! So rain on a school day means indoor recess. Indoor recess with 40 kids in a shared space means I'd better bring the Tylenol.........

По-русски

(russian 13)

1. I want a lobster roll.

2. Too bad I'd need to go to Maine to get one.

3. Speaking of Maine, my son needs a new coat (get it, cold?).

4. I hate coat shopping.

5. I also need a new hamster cage.

6. Helen's hamster in an escape artist and her cage is currently wrapped in painter's tape.

7. I broke another underwire today.

8. Always a pleasure to be pierced in the boob.

9. That was sarcasm- something SOOO many seem to not understand these days.

10. Am growing ever more exhausted by uber-intellectual types that think they are always right, or that I am less for not agreeing.

11. I have no need for more degrees, to make obscure references or to use archaic vocabulary that serve only to alienate.....

12. Never thought a simple life would suit me so well.

13. Or that I would take pride in just being "that lady who taught me how to hold scissors".

People who Rub me the WRONG way.....

This is in no way a complete listing...... and some are fictitious characters

1. Angelina Jolie- arrogant and smug

2. Rush Limbaugh- annoying voice and pomposity

3. Karen Allen- i just really find her grating and i don't like her chin

4. Cindy Brady- tattler

5. Ted Danson- creepy

6. Eddie Vetter- sissy whiny man

7. Kanye West- rude and ignorant

8. Spencer Pratt- douche bag

9. John Mayer- see eddie vetter and kanye west

10. Justin Bieber- sounds like a 7 year old girl and is quite full of himself

11. Al Gore- scary and hypocritical

12. Nellie Olson- mean girl

AND people who rub me the right way (Or I'd like to have rub me)

1. Taylor Lautner- hot

2. Holden Caulfield- angst ridden

3. Atticus Finch- the best dad EVER!

4. Justin Timberlake- talented and hot

5. Gwen Stefani- hot and a great mom

6. Gordon Ramsey- passionate and just generally a cool guy

7. Alton Brown- funny and smart and nerdy

8. Adam Savage- see Alton Brown

9. Taylor Swift- would love to adopt her!

10. P!nk- just plain interesting

*disclaimer- It is in no way my intent to alienate, disrespect, irritate, or degrade any one on either list. If you, dear reader, you are on my my lists and take offense to my post, feel free to contact me directly at which time I will make amends. To anyone else, this is just a blog of 42 year old white woman with nothing better to do with her time than to make lists- so get over it. If you are not rubbed the wrong way by the same people as I, then relish the fact that different strokes is NOT just a 70's sitcom. If you are annoyed by those I'd like to rub, then sorry for you. Deal with that, too.

Allergens in school

Since I was asked about the peanut policy at my children's school, I will share my stand......

As the parent of a child with allergies (yes, my daughter was allergic to peanuts, dairy, tomatoes, sesame seeds in addition to her horrendous seasonal allergies), I feel that "peanut free" zones give schools a false sense of security. What good does it do to have a policy unless you guarantee ALL parents will abide the rule. Additionally, peanuts are often hidden in ingredients, as are tree nuts. Unless you have a child with allergies, it doesn't sink in that the trail mix you packed has Reese's Pieces or almonds (or some other allergen) lurking within. How can a school say "no peanuts" then sell peanut butter crackers in the cafeteria line? Have they read their labels on all packages? How do they know the knife used to cut the ham sandwich in half wasn't contaminated in same way? Do I sound paranoid? Sorry, but if it was your kid and the chance of needing that Epi-pen (which is locked in a cabinet in the nurse's office in another part of the building) was real, you'd feel differently.

Further more, peanuts are not the only allergy that can result in anaphylaxis. Please visit http://www.foodallergy.org/ if you would like to learn more. So, please understand that I am not against the peanut free classroom or the no nut table. I just feel it gives a false sense of security, is not practical, does not remove parent responsibility and does not address the situation in a logical manner. I think children should be educated about their classmates' allergies, and so should their teachers. And it has nothing to do with liberals (please refer to comments here.)

日本語

(Japanese 13)

1. Zachary is scheduled for surgery in the morning.

2. He is having a chalazion removed from his eyelid.

3. As I am typing this I realize that I forgot to tell my mom.

4. I feel guilty that I don't talk to her much during the school year, especially the first couple of weeks.

5. But when a short conversation is no less than 45 minutes, what can one do?

6. I think this school year is going to kick my butt- I am exhausted!

7. The first weeks are always the toughest......

8. I have hardly been home, between sports, meetings, etc., I have hardly been home.

9. And my house looks like it, too!!

10. Attempts to train the dogs to clean and fold the laundry have proven futile.

11. As have attempts to train the husband.

12. I am craving spinach dip. Must make some......

13. Have been looking for my car keys since last Friday........ found them at Target on Wednesday. (long story, but they were at customer service- do not assume that just because you made it home, you had your keys, lol)

My Daughter

Many times I have wondered "why me, Lord? why did you choose me to be her mother?" Not because I didn't love her, but because she can be so difficult, challenging, mysterious........

I think I may have finally figured it out. Not saying I am the best mom ever, but maybe I am who she needs. I knew that deep down, she was not the person she was acting like. She was meant to be more. Someone just needed to unlock it. Someone who knew and understood. Someone who would not give up until there were answers. Someone who could invest years of doctors, therapists, pharmaceuticals, counselors, fights, tears. Someone who would spend their last dollars on testing, sit through meetings and teachers saying "there is nothing wrong- she is just lazy".......

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I am beginning to enjoy my child again- just hanging out with her and laughing. To see her truly enjoy something. To dream and plan for a future. Maybe I really am who she needed. Maybe she is who I needed. Thank you, Lord, for giving us each other.