Dishonesty in Children's Sports

My children play sports.  Zachary has participated in: soccer,baseball,lacrosse, football, rugby, swimming, tennis, basketball.......  We have always had to provide birth certificates,etc. for him to play.  Once I did lie about his age- to play up...... and that was because coach told me to (he was well past "scoopers" for lacrosse when he was 7). He is a solid "b" team player- he could probably make a team, but we love the team he is currently on.

I have come to realize that in tournaments there is MUCH dishonesty.  People play their kids down- 13 year olds competing against 10 and 11 year olds; AA kids playing against B kids...... Zachary is one of the older ones on the team,and is a big kid....... red flags go up when there is someone towering over him on the field.  Then we start to find these kids are on rosters for AA 13U teams..... and that real team members were told to not attend this tourney and new ones were recruited.  For what? A t-shirt?  Last year there was a tourney in which Zachary's team was undefeated, until the final game- against a AA team. Not fairly matched, we knew what the outcome would be before the game began. A good comparison is this: Baltimore Ravens vs. Podunk Middle school.  Not fair. 

Who benefits from this playing down?  The team who is appropriately stacked gets their butts whooped up and down a field and feels frustrated and deflated.  The ones who have used questionable tactics to build a winning team score goal after goal and do they REALLY get  a true sense of championship?  Is it that important to win?  The emphasis should really be on sportsmanship and skill, not an easy win.  

The kids are not the ones at fault here.  I blame parents and coaches.  I would never let my kid play down (in fact we have been asked and said no).  Parents who do this- you are teaching your kid to shoot fish in a barrel, to keep using the bumpers when you bowl, to CHEAT, to take the easy class, to get something for nothing.......  Exactly who's self esteem are you trying to build?  Does it make you feel good that your kid played and won an easy game??  How about you make them rise to a challenge instead?  

And Lacrosse officials- do what other sports have had to do- all members must register with a valid picture ID and show proof of age.  No player can be on more than one level- and they are registered to a team so it is known that they are AA, A or B, etc..... 

another letter to ****

You must be very proud of yourself. You say you are your child's "safekeeper"...... the real question is WHO is keeping her safe from YOU? You have the final say in everything, fought to have her removed from a school where she was surrounded by family and put her miles away from everyone. Then you systematically isolated her and then never supervise her actions or provide any rules. Are you proud? Or are you waiting until you have completely to ruined your child? This falls almost directly on YOU and is a consequence of YOUR actions. You are not fit to raise a CAT, much less children......... By the time you are done she will be pregnant, on drugs or both........ great going, MOM.........

turns out...

the subpoena IS for me. now i am pretty ticked off and offended. they are asking me to show documents pertaining to expenses i share with @@@@, trips i have taken with him, any overseas bank accounts, photographs of the children taken when he was not with them, etc. um- these things do not exist!!!!!

Dear ****

Thank you for the subpoena. I am looking forward to missing my class Easter party and egg hunt while I drive to Montgomery County to provide you with documents that do not exist. You know I work in a Catholic school and the week before Easter is Holy Week. I will miss attending Mass with my class and my own children. I appreciate that. The only think that makes it worthwhile is that I believe your lawyer subpoenaed the WRONG Susan...... So I will be laughing my ASS off when your lawyer walks in to depose a 44 year old sister in law, not a 67 year old mother!!!!!!!!

The Pre K Workshop

I attended a seminar for preK teachers today. I got a lot out of a few of the classes, but one left me feeling very angry.

The class was about at risk kids- warning signs and how to deal with them, etc. Obviously this had my interest because I have an at risk child, plus I have always been intrigued by behavior. The presenter focused on sensory integration, ADD/ADHD, Anxiety and stress disorders and Autism. She presented ADD/ADHD as kids are over diagnosed and medicated because parents complain and want a quick fix rather than actually parenting the child (this is true to a degree, but the comment is NOT providing teachers with a bank of ideas on HOW to deal with those children in class). It went down hill from there. She got to the Anxiety disorder portion and started with the phrase "shame on America for what we are doing to these children." She went on to paint a portrait of your typical child with anxiety disorder as the victim of over scheduling, parental pressure, and lack of nurturing and down time. She said that those were the ones whose parent could afford a diagnosis. The rest were in poor homes where there was substance abuse, neglect and abuse. Their stress is rewiring their brains and causing brain damage. That our classrooms were the only loving safe haven these children have..... WTH? Kids with undiagnosed ADHD go on to have conduct disorders- which she claimed was "prophecy". Better yet, how about the fact that they are untreated means there are no skills being taught to compensate and they are not able to function and cope, resulting in a defiant child with low self esteem?

So the fact that my child began have symptoms at 2 1/2 was caused by over scheduling and pressure to perform? Or by my poverty and drug problem? That the on going issues we have are rewiring her brain? Really. Or could it be that her brain is already "wired" differently? That her perception is different than reality. Her poor executive function skills cause a great deal of her stress, not her parents.

To do a short snippet on a soap box regarding these issues is not fair to the children or their parents. Now these teachers who are unfamiliar with these children and their needs will go back school and look at these families differently. How tragic.......

I am worn out......**

the ordeal with **** has consumed me this week. The stupidity overload has taken its toll. I cannot understand how so many grown people that think they are intelligent are quite possibly the dumbest people I have ever met in my life.........

So It makes me ill thinking of the many ways this poor kid has been screwed over by parents, the lawyers, the judges, the "experts", the system....... All she wants is to go to school, to fit in, to live a "normal" life. I know children of divorce are never quite "normal" but for Pete's sake- does it NEED to be like this? If parents do not want to be together, then get a divorce. Dragging it through courts and arguing over every single little decision and literally burning money like dry leaves..... I do NOT understand. This only makes two people happy- HIS lawyer and HER lawyer. Their kids will have a nice house, a good education, college, a car, a real life......... The kids of the Plaintiff/Defendant? No- all the money has gone to another family. All the energy has gone into fighting a war that doesn't exist. All the time drained by worry........

I'll just stay married, thank you very much. ****, your idea of freedom and happiness is not worth that price.

It just keeps getting better......

**** has told her child that my family, especially ME, is white trash. I was pretty mad, and then someone pointed out that for someone to say that and drag a child into it, is, well, white trash. Can I get an Amen?

So, I can say that the idea that someone with no morals, habitual lying and believes that the job of a maid in a hotel is to pick up your baby's dirty diaper is calling me white trash makes me laugh. She must be one of those uppity Europeans!

So, ****, do me a favor and go back to France. Maybe it is ok to put your children in the middle of your problems and divorce. Maybe it is ok to let your child miss 53% of the school year because you cannot get her out of bed after letting her stay on Facebook all night. Maybe it is ok to undermine every other relationship your child has with adults who care. Maybe it is ok in France, but it isn't ok in my white trash world.

Dear ****,

It has been a while since I have written an open letter to you. I guess it is over due. I just want to say thanks. Thanks for making me have to comfort your crying child tonight. She is crushed that not only will she have to live with you, but you are going to pull her out of the school she picked, made friends at, and wants to go to. Now you will pull her out, put her in the fourth school of her 8th grade year and try to force to attend. Good luck with that. And when she refuses to go, what are you going to do? When she fails the 8th grade, what will you do? When she is in trouble again, what will you do? Hospitalize her? Have the police take her away again?

You couldn't just leave her happy. You had to be the decision maker. You had to be selfish. And we all seriously hate you.

Me

annoyed

negative post- look away if you don't want to know.......

i am so tired of asking for help and not getting any. i am tired of having no place in this entire house that is mine. every little corner i try to have gets taken over. i am out of corners and patience.

and i went to work full time 2 years ago. i have been asking for more help since i was part time. i am still waiting. no one else does anything around here. i feel like i am chained to the washing machine, except of course for the times that i am chained to the kitchen sink.

venting....

I am supposed to be working right now. But I am watching the bread we just made bake in the oven while the kids are at recess and need to unload.

I take on too much. It is a bad habit of mine, as well as an old one. Ever since I was young (like Middle School age) I have tried to do it all. Sorry. I have gotten better at saying no. I have even gotten good at delegating. Except when I am a committee of one.

Which brings me to my problem. I had hoped for a partner in life. A helpmate. Someone to tell me everything will be fine; someone to give me a boost when it isn't going fine. You can probably guess that is NOT what I got. You cannot tell these things before you say "I do". You really can't. Add two children (one who is like 4 kids all by herself) to the mix and you get one stressed out person. And one who watches TV, plays with his Android or just lays there as the walls come crashing down. I get that there are times I need to ASK for help; but for Pete's sake..... doesn't it also seem that one can look at me and see the struggle. Get up off the couch and just GIVE of yourself?

Thanks- I needed that. I do love my family very much, but there are some days that I just need a partner.

**UPDATE**- after my rant/vent the husband actually sent me two messages asking if he could do anything to help me with the work I needed to do. And he made dinner tonight- thanks, dear!

Sometimes...

I get so frustrated, especially in public. First of all, have you people never shopped in a store before? Could you kindly take a look around a realize you are not the only person in the aisle and get your behiney out of the middle of it? No one can get around you and you just STAND there, usually with your grubby children, even after I have said EXCUSE ME 3 times. Second, do you really need to walk around AC Moore with your cell phone and Blue Tooth talking about Lord knows what? And so LOUDLY? And stop cussing. I don't want to hear it, and I don;t want my children to hear about what your did with your date last night, either.

Finally, why can I not go anywhere on Sunday without having to deal with a certain NFL team's jersey everywhere? Where I come from, you don't wear nasty flip flops and football jerseys to CHURCH. Nor do you wear pajama pants, jeans or anything you may have slept in. I know what you're gonna say- God doesn't care what I wear...... Well, it's His house. You would dress up more than that to go to a friend's house. Or a party. This is God's house, show some effort.

Interesting .......

I just read this article on Yahoo.com. Very, very interesting. Quite frankly, I am all for it. The problem is this: no one wants to go out to dinner/drinks/movie and listen to someone else's screaming kid. Am I talking about the cranky fussing of a hungry toddler who has decided his french fries were taking too long? No, I am thinking of the ones that are clearly tired, overstimulated and just plain need to be home. You know the ones....... or even better- the toddler who is allowed to hang over the back of the booth, throw food or just roam the joint while Mama and Daddy are either in oblivious denial, or watching as "oh so cute lil' Boo-Boo" takes over Ruby Tuesdays. These parents and their child ruin the evenings of many others on a regular basis. The only ones having fun? Lil' Boo Bo, of course.

And if it is a place of BUSINESS, which clearly a restaurant is, then the owner should be able to decide that babies and children do not belong in the bar, screamers are not welcome and roamers should stay home. Period. If you are getting your panties in a bunch about it, you may be one of the parents of a screamer.......

As a preschool teacher, I find most children fun. Most of the time. However, I don't want your kid staring at me, screaming nonstop, running amok and generally annoying me while I am trying to enjoy myself. Do what I did when my kids went bonkers- go home. Ask for some go boxes and pay the check! The world will thank you. And guess what else? Once your children learn they cannot behave like that in public, they will stop.

Thought Provoking......

I am reading an article about the need for preK in the middle class.  OK, I am "middle" class, I have young children and I have taught preK.  I can see what they mean- the cite one family in which the first born went to a church nursery school 2 days per week and the second son, who had special needs, qualified for services daily.   The older child was behind in the first grade- he couldn't keep up.  The second was right on target for every benchmark.  Interesting. 

My first thought is about how much kindergarten and first grade have changed over the years- even since I first started teaching.  We are doing things much earlier than in past years.  Why?  Who are we trying to keep up with?  What are we trying to prove by removing the fun from childhood and replacing it with serious academia?  I think we are hurting our future rather than helping it.  By going faster, we are stressing our children while removing curiosity, wonder and thought.  We cram phonics and math down their throats for 7 hours a day before they are 6 years old, then complain that they are not critical thinkers or good writers in the 6th grade.  And why can't they think, problem solve and write.  No one has ever expected them to.  We are demanding a skyscraper, but failing to build a deep and sturdy foundation.  A mighty oak would blow over in a breeze without strong, deep roots.  Children are very much the same.

My second thought is this- why are one group of children (special needs, ESL, etc) given priority over another (gifted, average, slightly but not significantly delayed, etc)?  Why does one group get rescued while another is ignored?  ALL children have special needs at one time or another.  Every child is worthy of being taught in the best way for THEM.  Tests and "programs" are not personal.  Teaching a test, or following the teacher's guide to the letter benefits no one.  Teachers are not allowed to be creative or to even see the individual child because they are teaching standards, teaching to raise test scores, teaching the masses........

We as a nation need to stop this way of thinking.  No Child Left Behind  was a horrible concept.  Please, please look past numbers and keeping up with another culture and look at our precious and most valuable resources before they are lost.

Just an Observation

Back when I went to college, I majored in education.  We were required to write lesson after lesson, incorporating many materials and resources.  Accommodations were to be made for varying ability (ie- we were always required to provide enrichment and remediation) for every lesson we wrote.  Multiple assessments were expected, not just "test" or "worksheet".  Did I go to an excellent institution?  Of course I did.  We were taught to teach using the text book as a resource, not the only tool for learning.  We learned that children learn in a variety of ways and you had to teach to all those modalities- visual, tactile and audio.

Fast forward to 2009, eighteen years after I received my degree.  I have attended many workshops over the years which indicate that children learn best by being involved in the process.  I whole heartedly believe that children learn through experiences, an documented research backs this up.  With this knowledge, can someone please, please tell me why, in our society where children are falling behind at every turn, are we teaching one way and one way only.  We set the bar lower and lower, but by not teaching in ways that are meaningful to children and by not challenging them, they are still not reaching the goal set for them.  Why?  I am finding it more and more true that teachers are teaching a test and a text book.  Schools buy a "program" and rather than using the "program" as a tool or a resource, teachers are checking their brains at the door and sticking to that teacher's guide like glue.  

Because of no child left behind, when one falls behind, everyone stops til that child catches up.  The only way your child receives individualized instruction is when the have an IEP (and that is assuming the teacher has taken that information to heart and truly understands how to teach a child with special needs).  And ALL children have some special need or another at some point.  Aren't they all deserving of a teacher that knows them and tries to teach the individual?  

I am really beginning to lean toward home schooling these days.  I doubt that I will do it, but boy, is it tempting.

Because we can't have douch bags like Spencer and Heidi getting the Swine Flu, now can we?

lunch programs

I am not an Obama fan.  The First Lady just rubs me the wrong way- so sue me.  But, being the Libra that I am, I must see good in everyone and will give credit where it is due.  I feel the need to commend Michelle Obama for her decision to include a kitchen garden at the White House.  Hopefully she has an idea about the crap we Americans eat.  And I hope she realizes the power she has to help share that with fellow Americans.  Healthy food is not for the elite.  Ironically, when I was growing up such healthy foods were "poor people" food (my brothers words, not mine).  We ate from a garden and rarely had processed foods.  I don't even really remember having much cheese around until I was in middle school.  

Which brings me to another point.  I would love to see a high profile parent (are you listening Mrs. First Lady) make school lunches a priority.  We are so insistent that kids will only eat nuggest and pizza that all we are willing to give them is the crap we know they will eat.  We will have a generation of adults that do not know what a real piece of food looks like.  Are we doing this because it is easier or cheaper?  It is certainly NOT because it is healthier or the only things children will eat.  

Other cultures do not share this mentality and their children eat fish, seaweed, beans, veggies, fresh fruit........  I have officially decided that I will no longer order of the kids' menu for my kids (as much as possible any way- if they cannot share, adult portions are too large and expensive for little guys).  I have been fighting a battle all their lives to get my kids to appreciate real food.  I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  If I could go back, I would have kept giving Helen what we were eating even though she threw it on the floor.  She would have eventually eaten what she was given.  I also wish I had never given them anything but water and milk to drink.  Zachary will drink water, but Helen would rather dehydrate than drink it.

Maybe following their trip to Europe, Mrs. Obama will recognize the need for this country to stop buying into big agriculture and the determination that children need such processed foods in their every day lives.  It needs to begin in the home, but school is  setting a terrible example.  I taught in a headstart type program in Georgia.  Our food funding really had no room for all processed foods.  We may have had the occasional nugget or pizza bagel, but we had more real chicken and dumplings, beans, home made meatloaf, fresh baked bread, fresh fruit......  And the kids ate it, especially the ones who told me "my grandma cooks like this".  Food for thought, people.  Feed your kids well.

Dear Mrs. Mason,

You were my third grade teacher and my worst night mare.  You were everything that is wrong with education.  You and those horrible PE teachers from elementary school.  

I loved school until I had you.  I always wanted to be a teacher and always picture you when I think about what kind of teacher I do not ever want to become.  You liked to humiliate people, especially if they were different.  And you hated the smart kids.  Don't say you didn't because it was quite obvious.  You were hateful, mean and spiteful and I hate you to this very day,

Do you remember when I did my student teaching and wouldn't talk to you in the lounge?  That felt so good- finally I didn't have to pretend I had an ounce of respect for you.

Susan

Dear ****

Yes, I'm boring everyone again with a letter to you which you will never read.  But I really need to know why you felt you had to accept charity gifts for your children this year.  What sad sob story did you give?  Did you leave out that you have a decent job and salary?  That you haven't had to pay a single bill all year?  That your only expense is 1/2 of day care?  That your child takes horseback lessons at $400 a month?  Let me tell you something about the poor.  They don't live in a nice home with all their expenses covered by the husband they threw out.  They don't eat smoked salmon on Christmas Eve.  They don't take horseback riding lessons at an expensive stable.  You have a roof over your head and food in your pantry.  You have a car to get you where you need to go.  You have Verizon FIOS.  You really ought to be ashamed of yourself.  If you are low on cash at Christmas, you cut back- give smaller meaningful gifts.  Your children will still be happy.  Your daughter was embarrassed, and I don't blame her.  The people you scammed thought they were buying gifts for children who would otherwise get nothing.  You have never been poor and you have no idea what a struggle is.  A struggle is when you lose what is literally your last $10 in Walmart and sit on the floor to cry.  Struggle is to try to pay for $15 dollars of groceries and not have the money in the bank.  Struggle is scraping up all the change you can find to go buy a box of mac and cheese from the gas station across the street.  Or walking 19 blocks to work because if you take the bus you can't eat lunch.  or washing your clothes in the bath tub because you don't have  the money for the washer.  There are real people who don't know where they will find the money to feed their babies.  They are drowning in bills and never feel a minute of peace or comfort.   They hide from the repo man.  They are about to lose their home.  You HAVE money, you HAVE family, you HAVE resources.  The man you had the police remove from you home would have given you the gifts he has bought the children rather than have charity.  If I had not lost my last shred of respect for you by now, this would have done it.  I really hope I never have to see you again as long as I live.  Ignorant disrespectful bitch.  Your life is a slap in the face to the real abused abandoned women and starving children.