bipolar?

Someone who is close to my child suggested it today.  This is not the first time I've heard it, but I am not sure.  I have read several articles and seen lists, and I'm thinking "not really".  She has had rages and such, she exhibits mood swings and such, but those usually occur when she is asked to do something or change activities, which is more in keeping with another disorder, not bipolar- she turns it on and off- she must be the most rapid cycling person on the planet- or it is something else.  Right now, I am leaning more toward ADHD with Executive Dysfunction.   But maybe she is- she is usually pissed or sad, and when she is happy it is over the top and annoying.  This is so unbelievably hard and I have no idea where to go or who to talk to, or even trust.  

It must be Thursday.......

1. How do kids lose clothes?

2. I wish I had not signed Helen up for another year of karate.

3. There is way too much to do in the library.

4. This school year has been especially difficult for me as a parent.

5. Asparagus is AWESOME!

6. I hate my bedroom- I think I am going to get rid of everything in it and get new stuff.

7.  I need to paint the kitchen, too.

8.  Why can I never get around to mopping the floor?

9. The living room still needs curtains.

10. My car looks like a trash can.

11. I think I have over due library books in the trunk, too.

12. Why are so many of my friends pregnant?

13. Did I mention I hate the karate instructor?

Jon & Kate

Dear Kate,

What happened to you? Last year you were normal. You complained and yelled at your husband, who took it in stride because you seemed like you needed him. You made individual cakes for your babies on their birthdays because you thought they deserved that. You renewed your vows with you children present.

The show was about you trying to save money at the supermarket, trying to be organic, trying to be with your kids and maybe have a minute to yourself. Somewhere in all that you have moved into a huge house, gone blonder and skinnier, manicured and spa-ed. I cannot imagine you now the way you were then- normal. Even the trip to the store to buy party supplies was about you, the "p-people" and your skinny jeans/ high heels combo. I miss you, Kate, and I bet Jon and your kids do too. Take some time to reflect without a camera in your face; think about the Kate who celebrated "Love Day", made play dough, sat in the drive way on a hot summer day and blew bubbles. That was the mom we loved (and defended when you got too bitchy). You don't laugh any more, you don't play- there is nothing to balance the demanding Kate. I am starting to feel sorry for your family....

A [former] Fan

assessments

I received the Conner Assessment from Helen's teachers.  You would not know they taught the same child.   One reflected the one we see at home- restless, fidgety, avoiding.  The other indicated little was out of the ordinary.  The pediatrician is on vacation until next week, so I will deliver these before he gets back.  Then I guess we will meet with him and see what happens.

Am I doing the right thing?  I don't know.  I know that not doing anything is not helping.  She has her moments when she is so sweet and nice, then it turns as soon as you can blink.  I see and hear friends with their children.  The bond and adoration is clear.  They dye Easter eggs and make Christmas cookies.  They go on picnics.  The celebrate together, go to church and the park......  Whatever we try to do could be fun; it could very well be the battle of the century- you just never know.  No one that has joyful, easy going kids can know what it is like.  Some days my heart is broken in to little pieces.

I am so tired

And I don't mean sleepy.  I mean worn out, worn down and DONE.  I feel like I am the only person who w ants to figure out how to deal with my child.  And I am beating my head against a brick wall to trying to get somewhere.  No one seems to be in agreement with me and I feel like I am trying to do it all alone.  Not only alone- but in opposition of her father.  He says things like "maybe she needs help; maybe she needs meds", then when I pursue help, he won't even talk to me.   If nothing else she does better with consistency and discipline.  I tell her she need to do XYZ before she plays outside.  I go to the grocery store and when I return she is outside and XYZ is incomplete.  Because he "forgot".  I am so frustrated.....

Just an Observation

Back when I went to college, I majored in education.  We were required to write lesson after lesson, incorporating many materials and resources.  Accommodations were to be made for varying ability (ie- we were always required to provide enrichment and remediation) for every lesson we wrote.  Multiple assessments were expected, not just "test" or "worksheet".  Did I go to an excellent institution?  Of course I did.  We were taught to teach using the text book as a resource, not the only tool for learning.  We learned that children learn in a variety of ways and you had to teach to all those modalities- visual, tactile and audio.

Fast forward to 2009, eighteen years after I received my degree.  I have attended many workshops over the years which indicate that children learn best by being involved in the process.  I whole heartedly believe that children learn through experiences, an documented research backs this up.  With this knowledge, can someone please, please tell me why, in our society where children are falling behind at every turn, are we teaching one way and one way only.  We set the bar lower and lower, but by not teaching in ways that are meaningful to children and by not challenging them, they are still not reaching the goal set for them.  Why?  I am finding it more and more true that teachers are teaching a test and a text book.  Schools buy a "program" and rather than using the "program" as a tool or a resource, teachers are checking their brains at the door and sticking to that teacher's guide like glue.  

Because of no child left behind, when one falls behind, everyone stops til that child catches up.  The only way your child receives individualized instruction is when the have an IEP (and that is assuming the teacher has taken that information to heart and truly understands how to teach a child with special needs).  And ALL children have some special need or another at some point.  Aren't they all deserving of a teacher that knows them and tries to teach the individual?  

I am really beginning to lean toward home schooling these days.  I doubt that I will do it, but boy, is it tempting.

goodbye...

Mishca.  We have had her for several weeks now.  In that time she has displayed some aggression and I have not trusted her with the children.  She tries to dominate too often and will eat food right out of Zachary's hands (as he is trying to eat it, not feed it to her).  She has bitten Ozzy on the nose.  This morning she peed on my new carpet for the third time in a week (carpet is not even paid for, dang it).  That is not really grounds for getting rid of her- I was just going to make her sleep in the basement because she is doing it at night.  But this morning she kept getting under the table trying to take the kids' food.  I was trying to help Helen finish some homework and asked David if he would take her out.  He tried to get her from under the chair, she growled (not uncommon, which is why I have been afraid to correct any of her behaviors) and then BIT him.  On the hand.  She has nipped at everyone in the house so far, but this is the last straw- it was aggressive and something I cannot allow.  I have two little kids and I cannot have a dog I don't trust around them.  I would trust Ozzy with their very lives; Mischa I don't trust to not eat their faces off if she wanted their food.

I am saddened by this.  I feel that there are no bad dogs, just bad owners.  We have no idea where she came from and this is a risk one takes when rescuing an animal.  Maybe in a home without kids or another dog she'd do better.  She is just not a good match with my family.  I hope she has another chance at a home.....

Funny thing is we were walking her a few days  after we got her and ran into this really weird guy.  He was petting Ozzy and saying what a good dog he was, etc.  Then he commented about Mishca- he said "you haven't had her long".  Then he went on to say not to trust her, she has troubles.  She could turn on a dime and she would try to be the house alpha, etc.  It was really weird, but oh so true........

13!

1. Have I mentioned I'm ready for summer?
   
2. The kids have "out of uniform" today, and Helen has nothing to wear (the down side to having uniforms is that you don't think about decent clothes until it's too late).
   
3. I don't want to go to school today.
   
4. Whenever I type I hit the semi colon button instead of the apostrophe button.
   
5. I didn't wash lunchboxes last night- now I have to do it before I can pack today's lunch- arg!
   
6. Reserved the place in Nag's Head yesterday.
7. My new bathing suits arrived, but I haven't tried them on yet.
8. Mischa is making me mad.
9. Laundry basket is full again- must be Thursday.
10. It is cold this morning, but it is going to get up to 80 today- beautiful day!
11. Coffee is my best friend this morning.
12. I may very well lose my mind soon.
13. Stress is not my favorite thing.

update

Pediatrician appointment was fine.  I have the Connor tool and will give it to the necessary people tomorrow.   He thinks ADD is possible, so we proceed from here.

3 weeks.....

until summer break!  I am ready.  Really, really ready!  I ordered two bathing suits from Land's End (one a black and ivory batik print, one brown), paid my pool membership and am planning vacation.  Yippy!   Of course, I will head down to GA for a bit, and go camping, too.  I'm ready- bring on summer.

Sunday-

1. Grocery store
   
2. Laundry- wash dry, fold, put away
   
3. Clean living room
   
4. Clean kitchen
   
5. Clean bathroom
   
6. Plan week and make to do lists......
   

Sadly, Sunday is no longer a day of leisure.  I  really miss that.  In perfect world, I could just kick back.  Hang with the kids, sit on a porch swing, then throw some food on the grill.  Have some margaritas by the pool.  Ahhhhh.......  Of course, it would help to have a swing and a pool.....

Something I've Never Really Blogged About....

I have been Helen's mom for 9 years and one week.  She has been a lot of work for about 8 years of it.  She has been impulsive, energetic, active, difficult, opinionated (and many other adjectives) most of her life.  She started with tantrums when she was 18 months old and I am still waiting for the terrible twos to be over.

She exhibits signs of many things, including autism.  We believe in our hearts this is not correct because of her language ability (speaking in complete sentences at 15 months, current vocabulary level is almost fifth grade).  She has a witty sense of humor, uses and understands sarcasm and makes puns and jokes.  She does have "quirks" though, that make her odd.  She has anxiety and is quite defiant and seems to find joy in nothing.  She loses things, cannot organize her time or spaces, she has a hard time prioritizing and planning tasks.  Things have gotten worse this year.  Now she lashes out at her brother, physically.  She seems depressed and angry all the time.  We don't know how to deal with it.

She will see her pediatrician on Monday.  At that visit I am putting the card on the table and asking for a Connor Assessment.  We will proceed from there.  The first logical step is to rule out ADHD.  This, untreated, can lead to the defiance, anxiety and depression we are seeing.  Please keep Helen in your thoughts and prayers and I promise to keep you updated.

I'm back- 13!

OK, I couldn't stay away.  I will spare you the details, but I decided I would not move the blog after all.

1. I am taking a personal day today.  Woo Hoo.
   
2. I have had a very difficult week.
   
3. School will be out  soon, but NOT soon enough.
   
4. You can tell the school year is almost over by looking at my kids' too small uniforms and worn out shoes!
   
5. Dog fur. OMG!  It is everywhere.
   
6. I don't want to spend the day off cleaning, but that is what I really need to do, darn it.
   
7. Planning a trip to the beach.
8. I really need a new bathing suit.    I hate shopping for one, though.
9. Still need navy blue shoes.
10. The 13 thing is hard this week.
11. New dog is making me mad.
12. There are about 24 rolls of film I need to get developed.
13. Just bought from Amazon- Don't Panic- Dinner's in the Freezer; Raising your Spirited Child; Parenting Children With ADHD: 10 Lessons That Medicine Cannot Teach; Fix, Freeze, Feast: Prepare in Bulk and Enjoy

Moving.....

I am taking a break from blogging. I will resume when school is out, but at a new location. For privacy reasons, I will not forward to the new site, but if you follow my blog and would like to visit the new home when it is ready, please leave a comment along with your email address and I will share that information with you. Thanks for understanding and don't forget to leave a message.

MORE-

rain.

It is spring.  Everything is green, but nothing is blooming (except pollen and mold).  There are virtually no flowers to speak of- everything has been washed off trees by the rain and storms, or hasn't had a chance to bloom because of the lack of warmth and sun.   Gotta say- no one is appreciating the abundance right now.  All I can think about is the fact that we will skip the nice springy season and skip straight to flea and mosquito (thanx to all the wetness) ridden humid and hot summer days.  I hate it that I am a pessimist, but when it is gloomy for weeks on end, I cannot help myself.

RAIN!

It is supposed to rain all week. Darn. That means no softball. It also means a soggy birthday party. I guess we can put up the canopy outside for the girls to roast weinies and make s'mores. They can tie dye in the dining room. That stinks! I know we need rain, I'm just sick of it now. Cold dreary winter weather, followed by a month of rain, followed by HOT SUMMER. Can you say yuck? I haven't gotten to Sherwood Gardens for pictures because of the weather, but I haven't seen any tulips yet, either! Maybe I'll get to go on Sunday......

Closets

I just started pulling Zachary's clothes out of his closet- there ain't much left in there........  Plus he REALLY needs shorts.  I realized that I have never really ever had to buy him very many clothes.  I think the hand me downs have petered out ;0(  Children's Place and Gymboree, here we come!

I HATE

CLUTTER>>>>>>>>>

My house is starting to look like my mom's.  I know what to do- I just don't know where to put it all while I do it!  I need a dumpster and a "pod".

To Do

1. Clean kids' bedrooms
   
2. laundry, laundry and more laundry
   
3. clean basement
   
4. clean dining room (this includes finding a home for things that were formerly in the green cabinet that is now in Helen's room- this is a huge problem)
   
5. make shopping list for Helen's party

Party Time.....

Helen's birthday party is next weekend.  She wanted a sleepover, so it is a very small party this year.  Just 3 friends are coming over to roast wieners and make s'mores.

Here is the run down-

6 pm- friends arrive and make tie dye t shirts

7 pm- wienie roast, s'mores, mini cupcakes and Rita's (since ice cream + Helen= BAD)

after that- karaoke, movies, junk food and other girlie nonsense until I force them to go to sleep

next morning- cinnamon rolls and other breakfast items, play until noon, when they get picked up

Favors- I bought shower gel and lotion in a box set at Justice ($10 for 5 sets)- so each girl will get to take home her t shirt and a bucket filled with bath stuff, nail polish, candy and gum.

Like I said- probably the simplest party she has ever had. We will have all the Spitzers over Saturday afternoon for a little family party.  Then we'll have the big cake and her presents.  This is what she asked for

The American Girl of the Year, Chrissa and her pet llama.   Should be fun- we'll see......