Wow.....

this is the first night we don't have anywhere to be in quite some time......... and I am single mom to boot. What to do, what to do........ Sounds like a good night for a movie! YAY, movie night!!!!

UPDATE!

Keep the prayers going up for my daughter's friend! His spinal fluid is showing no leukemia, the cells near his lungs are gone and his white count is down to under 5,000. He is doing remarkably well and they hope he will be able to go home sooner rather than later. We are praying he well enough to come to Helen's birthday party (early June), but time will tell.

Awful.....

news today. One of my daughter's friends has leukemia. One of her good buddies. She has been friends with him since kindergarten. He is her lobby buddy- the one who waits for her at the front door, walks with her to band, sits and talks in the morning waiting for their other friends to arrive. The reason she has wanted to go to school on time. My heart is sick. I love this kid and am so worried. I pray for his family, especially his Mama, who is also my friend. I pray for all the fifth graders who also love him and will take the news so hard. Lord, look over this family and fill them with your Love, Peace and Grace.

Things I want my Children to Know

Always be yourself. Being someone else is impossible- and too much work.

Do not be afraid to be a nerd- embrace it. Nerds are the ones who run the world any way.

Respect yourself. If you don't, no one else will.

Take care of your body. It is the only one you are going to get.

Always behave as if I am watching. Even if I don't find out, God knows.

Music....

I love music- always have. It wasn't really fostered in my house growing up (neither was sports, which I had a few I was good at). I was second chair flute in advanced band, with only one year of experience, not two like the other kids. I taught myself to play the oboe, and one song on piano. I can't sing to save my life.

Now my daughter, can sing. She is naturally gifted in music, as well as poetry. Therefore I was not surprised when I (nosy mom) saw her book in her room. She has been writing songs. I know she makes up songs all the time, changes words to songs on the radio (usually funny, a la Weird Al). But I didn't know she was composing real songs.

Now, what to do with this info? I know that she is gifted in many ways. But I cannot provide for her lessons and materials to develop her gifts. And it makes my heart hurt. I want to buy her a guitar. Maybe she can figure out how to play it. Stranger things have happened.

Christmas List 2010

For both

X box 360 Kinect

Helen

1. Vera Bradley purse

2. Music downloads

3. DS game

4. New ear buds

5. Bath and Body works

6. "Lamby" throw blanket in fushia

7. Books (Margaret Henry books)

8. Clothes (mostly shirts and dresses)

Zachary

1. Tech Deck stuff

2. Xbox game

3. Nerf guns and bullets

4. "Lamby" throw blanket in blue

5. Books (Bad Kitty, Diary of Wimpy Kid)

6. Loopz

bought

Names

As parents, we took a great deal of time picking out names for our children. Funny, though, because we came into this marriage with a preconceived notion of naming our future kids. I know girls do it- we imagine this little brood and name them....... and no one has filled the sperm contributor in on this. He has his own ideas. And all of yours stink.

Now, growing up, I imagined a big family. I knew Christopher would be the first. He would be followed by Paul, Elizabeth, Alexander and David. What would have happened if I had 5 girls, I don't know. Well, life evolves, the names altered and the number reduced. Finally, I was expecting a child. And the fights began. Literally everything I suggested was all wrong (and usually "gay"). Even Andrew (which is actually the sperm contributor's own MIDDLE NAME) was deemed "gay". Good thing it was a girl.

We named her Helen Jacqueline. Named after two wonderful ladies- David's grandmother and my sister. Everyone said "you're naming her an old lady name"..... well, we named her after an old lady..... Thing is, when Helen is middle aged all the old ladies will be named Brittney and Tiffany.

We easily picked out a girl name for our second child. Heidi Susan. Helen and Heidi sounded nice together. Heidi was a favorite book of mine, and Susan is not only my own name, it is my mother in law's name. Then we found out at 32 weeks, that we were (SURPRISE) actually having a boy. Back to the drawing board....... and fights.

David Andrew Jr. was not going to happen. I am 5'0". David is 6'3". He plays baseball and (even though he hates it) is known as Big Dave. I could not risk having "Little Dave" who never makes it to 5'5" and is shorter than his Amazon sister. Andrew, or Drew, was out. We agreed on the middle name (after David's father). Everything else we fought about. For days. Finally, one night, David picked up the dog eared baby name book and opened it to the back- the Z's. He said,

"Zachary". He closed the book, tossed it on the sofa and went upstairs. I mulled it over, and I liked it. Zachary Raymond......

So, now I am the mother to two, whose names I would have never imagined years before, and I cannot imagine being anything else now.

Every mom

...(and the occasional dad) knows exactly what I mean....... You feel kinda bad about it, but you have to do it. You MUST throw away that picture your son drew on a paper towel. You have to donate that "favorite" toy that has not been touched since preschool (and the child is now in the fifth grade). You don't care if the sneakers till fit- the fact that if you 7 year old takes them off in the car you gag and roll down the windows...... you MUST throw them away........

But you are tossing pieces of their childhood- they cry, get their feelings hurt, say how mean you are....... But if you don't do some weeding every now and then, you will lose your sanity (as well as 75% of your home)....... I guess that is the real reason black trash bags were invented.......

Need...

to meet with teachers again. Helen is starting into her bad habits again. She is not writing down things, forgetting her books and papers, losing things...... It would help a lot if the person that is supposed to help her would do her job. I am getting tired of this. If it wasn't coworker I'd have gone nasty mama on her by now.......... maybe now is the time!

Allergens in school

Since I was asked about the peanut policy at my children's school, I will share my stand......

As the parent of a child with allergies (yes, my daughter was allergic to peanuts, dairy, tomatoes, sesame seeds in addition to her horrendous seasonal allergies), I feel that "peanut free" zones give schools a false sense of security. What good does it do to have a policy unless you guarantee ALL parents will abide the rule. Additionally, peanuts are often hidden in ingredients, as are tree nuts. Unless you have a child with allergies, it doesn't sink in that the trail mix you packed has Reese's Pieces or almonds (or some other allergen) lurking within. How can a school say "no peanuts" then sell peanut butter crackers in the cafeteria line? Have they read their labels on all packages? How do they know the knife used to cut the ham sandwich in half wasn't contaminated in same way? Do I sound paranoid? Sorry, but if it was your kid and the chance of needing that Epi-pen (which is locked in a cabinet in the nurse's office in another part of the building) was real, you'd feel differently.

Further more, peanuts are not the only allergy that can result in anaphylaxis. Please visit http://www.foodallergy.org/ if you would like to learn more. So, please understand that I am not against the peanut free classroom or the no nut table. I just feel it gives a false sense of security, is not practical, does not remove parent responsibility and does not address the situation in a logical manner. I think children should be educated about their classmates' allergies, and so should their teachers. And it has nothing to do with liberals (please refer to comments here.)

My Daughter

Many times I have wondered "why me, Lord? why did you choose me to be her mother?" Not because I didn't love her, but because she can be so difficult, challenging, mysterious........

I think I may have finally figured it out. Not saying I am the best mom ever, but maybe I am who she needs. I knew that deep down, she was not the person she was acting like. She was meant to be more. Someone just needed to unlock it. Someone who knew and understood. Someone who would not give up until there were answers. Someone who could invest years of doctors, therapists, pharmaceuticals, counselors, fights, tears. Someone who would spend their last dollars on testing, sit through meetings and teachers saying "there is nothing wrong- she is just lazy".......

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I am beginning to enjoy my child again- just hanging out with her and laughing. To see her truly enjoy something. To dream and plan for a future. Maybe I really am who she needed. Maybe she is who I needed. Thank you, Lord, for giving us each other.

Lunch

Although I do not have a snazzy new bento box like SOMEONE I know, I still try to pack my kids a health(ier) lunch that they will enjoy. This does take planning, though. I doubt I will get into taking pictures and posting them (but you never know)...... I do enjoy looking a other folks' lunch. And my newest "bad news"- no peanuts in Helen's class (which is a sore subject I'd rather not get into here).

For the upcoming week, this is what I have planned:

Monday-

Snack- Baby Bell round, whole grain pretzels, fresh cherries

Lunch- grilled cheese sandwich, corn, cantaloupe and strawberry kebobs, Sun Chips

Tuesday-

Snack- Apple slices, Baby Bell round

Lunch- Thermos with leftover ziti, carrot and apple "fries", oranges

Wednesday-

Snack- Greek Yogurt

Lunch- Corn Dog muffins, pineapple chunks, carrot and cucumber sticks, Baby Bell round

Thursday-

Snack- Granola bar

Lunch- Helen is going to buy (Zachary will not go to school because of his surgery)

Friday-

Snack- Fresh fruit*

Lunch- Grilled chicken chunks, crackers, cucumbers, fruit*

*- whatever is left or I go pick up because we will be out of fruit by then, lol

Interesting .......

I just read this article on Yahoo.com. Very, very interesting. Quite frankly, I am all for it. The problem is this: no one wants to go out to dinner/drinks/movie and listen to someone else's screaming kid. Am I talking about the cranky fussing of a hungry toddler who has decided his french fries were taking too long? No, I am thinking of the ones that are clearly tired, overstimulated and just plain need to be home. You know the ones....... or even better- the toddler who is allowed to hang over the back of the booth, throw food or just roam the joint while Mama and Daddy are either in oblivious denial, or watching as "oh so cute lil' Boo-Boo" takes over Ruby Tuesdays. These parents and their child ruin the evenings of many others on a regular basis. The only ones having fun? Lil' Boo Bo, of course.

And if it is a place of BUSINESS, which clearly a restaurant is, then the owner should be able to decide that babies and children do not belong in the bar, screamers are not welcome and roamers should stay home. Period. If you are getting your panties in a bunch about it, you may be one of the parents of a screamer.......

As a preschool teacher, I find most children fun. Most of the time. However, I don't want your kid staring at me, screaming nonstop, running amok and generally annoying me while I am trying to enjoy myself. Do what I did when my kids went bonkers- go home. Ask for some go boxes and pay the check! The world will thank you. And guess what else? Once your children learn they cannot behave like that in public, they will stop.

I have to brag...

we went to a back to school party yesterday. Helen went and swam and played and I didn't see her most of the afternoon. No sulking, pouting, grazing on chips, sitting with the grownups.........NO DRAMA!!!!!!!! She had FUN, and politely thanked her hosts for inviting her as we left. And got invited to two sleepovers. WHAT????? And she WANTS to play field hockey today!!!! WHAT???!!! Thank you, Dr. Mahajaan; thank you, Kennedy Krieger; thank you Metadate and Zoloft!!!!! I love you all!

Tomorrow is the first day of school and I am feeling very optimistic about this coming school year. I think Helen is going to bloom and shine for fifth grade!!!

Holy Crap, Bat Man!

I am always amazed and overwhelmed by how much crap my kids accumulate (which is funny seeing how I never buy them anything, according to them). I went school supply shopping and decided to attack the Target bags piled up in the corner and start organizing back packs..... then that turned into trying to find homes for everything else in the dining room! Let me just say, there is not enough room in my house for everything they want to keep. Time to purge again. Get out the big black trash bags (because you know if they see what you are throwing away, it was their favoritest thing ever).

In this house we all have a tendency to abandon what we are not using rather than deal with it. And then it sits for about three months, until we forget why we had it in the first place, or it is completely wrapped in dog fur. I always say I will do better- I purge, clean and put away. It lasts about 3 1/2 minutes and then wham!- another mess.

But I came up with a brilliant plan to solve one problem we have here...... socks! I will spend a few minutes every Sunday doing one thing, if nothing else....... making sure there are 5 pairs of white socks for each child in a basket DOWNSTAIRS. Not in the their bedrooms, not in the sock drawer. Why? Because they get dressed and then come downstairs without their socks every single day. Then I have to send them up for socks, they spend 10 minutes in their rooms and return to the foyer with no socks. I have to go upstairs, mad and late, to discover there aren't any in the drawer any way! Not this year!!!!!!! I will buy 3 times as many socks as I think I need and maybe I can scrape together 5 pairs for each child every Sunday. This doesn't solve my storage crisis, but at least maybe there will be no sock drama this year.

The Scary Appoinment

We have an appointment with Kennedy Krieger tomorrow. This time with the Center for Autism Related Disorders (CARD). Am I scared? Heck, yeah.

I am so convinced that she is not Autistic. But we keep getting referred back to this place. 3 different departments at Krieger have referred her. So I finally accepted the appointment. I feel like God has led us to this door and we need to open it and see what is on the other side. We will either know finally without doubt that she is not on the spectrum, or that she really is. If she isn't, we put it all behind us once and for all. If she is, we proceed to get her whatever help she needs. We were first told to rule it out 4 years ago. It is time to stop being afraid and go.

I am not sure what to expect from our appointment. That makes me nervous because I cannot prepare her, which usually doesn't go well. But for now she is satisfied that she can go to Target when it is over....... Say some extra prayers for us, will ya?

UPDATE- Helen does not meet criteria for Autism. Big sigh of relief!!!! Glad to have it behind me now and I can say she does not have an ASD!!!

Back to School

This time of year was always exciting to me as a child. New clothes, new shoes, fresh notebooks and pencils..... Some things never change. Maybe that is the real reason I wanted to teach. My children, sadly, do not share my excitement for school supplies.

Helen will be using a binder system this year. During her IEP meeting we were shown an example of a binder that a student uses at Glen Burnie Park. So we are going with that, plus when we get her schedule, we will make a cheat sheet of what she needs for classes and fix it to her desk with contact paper. I am supposed to buy a watch with an multi-alarm feature, but I am having a hard time finding one that is affordable.

I am not sure how things will be for Zachary. His supply list is very different than Helen's second grade list was. But I am excited for him- his teacher is great!

I do not have much time left to get ready and I need to get back into a routine. No more sleeping in! No more computer in the morning! I need to go shopping for myself, too. I need shoes that don't hurt my feet; I need clothes; I need to get organized........ Plus the home projects that I have not completed. Time to make some lists!

UPDATE!

At the beginning of the summer, I decided to give an allowance to the kids. So far, the demerits do effect them, especially Zachary. He will actually do things to earn credits. If I tell him he will have demerits, he usually corrects misbehavior. Helen, not so much. She has plenty of demerits, most of them for calling people "idiots". She doesn't do much to earn more money.

So is it working? Yes and no. I am having a hard time getting them to pickup after themselves, make their beds, etc. I guess I could give demerits for not doing it, or credits for doing it... I am not really sure how to approach it. I can tell you that failure to be packed for school the day before and failing to be in the car at 7 AM will result in demerits!

Dairy Update-

Number of Days with no Dairy Products- 3

Number of days without a Melt Down Tantrum from Hell- 3

Coincidence? Maybe, but the fighting between siblings has reduced (because she is less irritable?), the constant wanting to eat is down, she has been, dare I say, PLEASANT??????? She hasn't talked back ONCE!

I know it is too soon to say for certain, but I must say, even David noticed and commented...... Considering the battles have been DAILY, three days is a beautiful thing!!!!!!!

This has not been that difficult....... a typical day.....

Breakfast (she likes to make it herself)

Vann's frozen waffle (they also make a gluten free)

Maple syrup

Soy milk

Snack

peach, pistachios, water

Lunch

Turkey sandwich on wheat (plain- she doesn't like condiments)

red grapes

pretzels

Snack

Strawberries

Dinner

Mustard Chicken tenders (recipe to follow)

Cantaloupe

Corn on the Cob with a smear of Earth Balance

Limeade

This is how she eats any way, but she had been using a lot of cheese, sneaking yogurt, etc....... She was drinking WHOLE regular milk at school until I nipped that one (helps to know everyone in the cafeteria, lol). Hopefully we will see a little weight control to go along with the improved mood!

Grocery Shopping

Going to the store later..... I need to make multiple stops, so it may not all get done today. You want to see my list? Yeah, I knew you did.......

David's Natural Market

Soy yogurt- we usually get Silk

Daiya "cheese"- a new item that I am going to try, but not tell Helen it is non-dairy

Tings- Not that they are healthy, but they are darn good!

Earth Balance- hands down the best nondairy margarine out there!

Vince's Produce

Whatever looks good, especially tomatoes, corn and peaches!

Costco-

Bread

Sandwich fixings

Salad greens

Strawberries

Lots of other things, too. One thing I have learned about my child- she is food focused. She must have starved to death in a previous life because she worries all the time there will be some sort of shortage or that she will not be fed. It is irrational and the source of much friction in my house, but I know she functions better if she knows what and when she is going to eat. I usually keep a wipe off board with menus for the week written out. I can change my mind, or rearrange meals as things come up, but just having it there seems to help a great deal. Not being able to grocery shop on a set day and not always having what we need is taking a toll and driving me nuts. I wish I could "fix" that about her, but she is who she is and I have to feed her (department of family services said so!).

I get it that somethings are just going to be difficult. Most parents don't have to write down a weekly schedule of everything, including meals, for their child. Most children assume they will be fed and that is the end of it. This is not most households and she is not most children. I just wish that I could get everyone else to understand. When she thinks she will not eat, she panics. It is unreasonable and unjustified, but it is her REAL feeling and I cannot change it. It is unfair to stress her out about it, but some people in her life DON'T get it and find it annoying that she is so bothered by that fear. She needs massive structure in her life, and that includes food.

On a more positive note, she has been dairy free for 36 hours. She keeps complaining that we are going to "ban" dairy, but has not yet noticed she has not consumed any, lol!