The good news is this: after 9 years of being a non-revenue generating member of this household, I signed a teaching contract yesterday. I am a librarian. Wow. It is just part time for now, but will go to full time either this spring or next fall. My hours are great- Monday through Thursday, 10 to 3. It is at my kids' school, so I will not need after care or anything (that is $3900 per year for 2 kids). My days off are the same as theirs, with the exception of work days and end of school/start of school. The in laws are watching them for the beginning of school, but I will try to work something with friends to fill in other days. I am excited and nervous about it. The library is a mess and I don't know where to begin to fix it.
The sad part is this confession: I have not really enjoyed this summer. I was hoping that I would get to do stuff with them and just have fun now that they are older. But the high cost of gas and everything else has forced me to limit field trips to less than 40 miles away. That is not so much a problem as Baltimore has so much to offer, but my kids, one in particular, has been terrible. In fact, I cannot stand to take her anywhere. She whines and complains about everything. Nothing is enough for her. If I buy one thing, she wants two. Even the trip to the zoo was awful. I packed lunch and didn't have much cash. Just enough for each to get an icee and feed the giraffes. Do you think that was good enough? Heaven's no. She was mad that there was no carousel ride (another $5). I could have gotten money from the ATM. But there is a $2.50 fee imposed by the bank for using a different machine, plus the principal of the whole thing. The whole summer has been that way. I feel bad because I wonder why she is behaving like such a rotten ungrateful brat and then I feel like a cheapskate because I say no to so much, but even if I had a million dollars at my disposal, I would not choose to indulge my child's every whim.
The reason it ticks me off is because do you think my mother EVER in her life took me to swim in a river, or to the zoo, or even to a freaking park? No. I got ignored 90% of the time, sometimes even put outside for an entire day. Most of memories are of me being alone. Before I had kids I'd see mothers and children on outings and doing things together and wanted that. Now I have two kids and can't take them anywhere because of their behavior. They talk back, don't listen, wander away, refuse to stay with me...... I can't even get them to make cookies with me or do a craft. I am on the verge of giving up. I thought I was raising them better than that. I guess I was wrong and I feel like an idiot.
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